Now!

I think that one of the hardest parts of going through the seizure episodes with my wife is in getting rid of the sights and sounds of the experience from the recesses of my mind.  Each time it gets more difficult.  I spent the entire first night after Wednesday’s event listening for the slightest variation in my wife’s breathing.  After getting her up and dressed the next morning I propped her up against the bookshelf in our room and literally ran into the laundry room to add a few items to the wash when I heard a resounding “thud” from the next room.  I’m not sure if my feet even touched the floor as I reappeared in the room and found her on the floor wedged between the bed stand and the shelf.  I quickly checked her eyes and as she looked at me and gave me an ever so slight smile of recognition, I was relieved to see that it wasn’t another seizure but simply a fall that she took in her weakened state.  She was also sitting in an upright position and had just slipped down in the tight space as if she had planned to sit there!

Once again we had one of those funny times where I couldn’t seem to get her out without contorting her body into some seemingly unnatural positions!  And it didn’t help that our crusading dog was doing her best to “help” by standing over my wife and unceasingly licking her in the face!  Once up, I helped her into the kitchen and living room area of the house where she spent the majority of the day resting in a chair.  She really was not able to get around on her own all day until about 5:30 in the afternoon when she suddenly stood up and began walking gingerly around the house.  I immediately stopped the dinner preparations and became her shadow, as I didn’t want her to take a spill.  After about a half hour of activity, she sat on the couch and dosed off.

Last night I rested a little more comfortably because she was much more alert and I was not as concerned about a reoccurrence of a seizure.  But by the time I got up this morning I was once again fighting the picture in my mind of the last couple of day’s frightful events.  I found myself almost dreading the time when I needed to get her ready for the day!  II Timothy 1:7’s words that I have not been given the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind, kept going through my head as I continually glanced at the clock when I was doing my study.

Then when I arose to top off my coffee cup, I began to get the impression from deep within me that said: “God is not a backward looking God.  As He doesn’t dwell or even remember our past sins, He also doesn’t want us to dwell on the events of our past whether they be good or bad, happy or hurtful.  He is a forward looking God who is always looking for the next great adventure that we will take for and with Him.”  With that thought, I began to see that He doesn’t want me to be remembering and feeding on the trauma that we had recently gone through.

When I returned to my desk I looked at my open Bible lying on the keyboard and read more from memory than from what my eyes were looking at from Ephesians 3:20 that says “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.”  When I really focused on the page before me it was as if the word “NOW” was flashing in red, and then everything came together.  I could see that God was telling me that He is able to do anything we need Him to do right NOW!  The past is over, so why cry over spilled milk?  Let go of the memories of the past and move into the present and allow Him to do what He does best and heal the hurt and anxieties in the now, so that you can move on into His future.

The more I meditated on that I began to realize that in order for me to not be in fear, I needed to be forward thinking and be able to see my future.  Being in fear meant first of all, that I was accepting the lie that what I was in fear of was more powerful than God’s Word.  It also meant that I was thinking that in the event that it happened again, that I would be totally under the control of the adverse situation instead of being the one on top of it.  Acts 19:20 declares that “the word of the Lord grew mightily and prevailed.” (NKJV)  It would stand to reason that if the word was prevailing in the lives of the early Christians, then it would just as easily prevail in my life today!

That did it for me!  I saw the folly of my actions and decided to throw in my allegiance in total agreement to His Word and let it prevail in my wife and me!  Besides, if I truly believe then I actually CAN see the future through His Word!  Acts 20:32 says that “the word of His grace… is able to build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.”  (NKJV)  His Word promises me that I will not only be built up in my future, but also have a heavenly inheritance.  Sounds pretty encouraging doesn’t it?  Nothing to be afraid of at all!  So with all of that under my belt, I marched into our bedroom, gave my wife a hearty and loving “Good Morning” and began the morning routine…

How is your future looking today?  If you’re not too sure how to answer that question then I would heartily suggest that you go on a discovery tour of His Word this weekend!  Find out what He has provided for you and then live in the peace and security that He has promised just for you!  Have a great weekend.  Stay in tune to His Word, and keep asking yourself… “What am I expecting today?”