In the Gloom of the Night...

I am sure that you know how it goes… just when you think you’ve learned all you need to know about something you receive another test!  Well, that is my story and it happened just last night!  After thinking that I had refocused all my attention on the Lord and His Word, no matter what I may be experiencing that is in disagreement to His promise, I slipped on the proverbial bar of soap and went for an unwanted slide!  Now, while I didn’t actually go for a physical slide, I did hit a little slick path as I struggled to fall asleep in the wee hours of the night.

After reading a little, I bid my wife a tender goodnight, turned off the light and settled in for a sweet night’s rest.  And that thought lasted for all of about five minutes!  Once I snuggled into my pillow and began to drift off, my wife suddenly became restless.  She started an irregular pattern of moving around in bed accompanied by sporadic, but somewhat regular light jerks (a result of the myoclonus that attached itself to the Alzheimer’s)… and my night’s rest was toast!  

My immediate response was to lay hands on her and rebuke the lying symptoms of the devil upon her body.  Then I began to thank the Lord for the accomplishment of His healing.  This all began around 11:30 pm and by 1:30 am not much had changed and my patience was growing thin!  Many thoughts were pounding in my head about that time including the idea of tossing my pillow on the floor and just spending the rest of the night there.  Finally I had enough, pulled back the covers and retreated into the sanctity of the rest room.  Once there, I closed the door and began to cry out to the Lord (like a spoiled kid… very dignified… right?)  I was exhausted and found myself whining about how I needed my sleep so I could accomplish the multitude of tasks set before me for the care of my wife and our upcoming move.

Then after a few short moments I caught a glance of my image in the mirror over the sink and stopped short.  While I didn’t laugh, it was kind of funny and just plain dumb that I would give into the temptation to throw away all my expectations and our stand of faith so I could have a pity party!  So with that, I pulled up my sweats, which were hanging a little low by then, reminding me of some of the Junior High boys who would come sauntering into our Youth Group meetings with their low-rider look, took a deep breath, renounced all the negativity I had spewed out and returned to bed with a new resolve to trust the Lord through this test.  And to be perfectly honest, I don’t remember too much more.

The next thing I knew it was six minutes after seven and the pull to get up began to take effect on me… even though I definitely wanted to catch a few more hours rest!  Obviously, my wife’s restlessness must have come to conclusion and I fell into a deep sleep for the next five hours!  PTL!

Once I was settled into my desk chair I felt the urge to open up my bible to the Gospel of John and to continue where I had left off a few days previously.  Jesus’ reply to the Jews who were persecuting Him for continuing to heal on the Sabbath quickly captured my attention when He stated: “My Father has never stopped working, and that is why I keep on working.” (CEV)  And with that, I immediately understood the lesson learned last night… He hasn’t given up on me, so why should I have the audacity to even considering doubting His resolve and give up on Him?

Then as I began to look at other scriptures that talk about His faithfulness to us, I settled in on Hebrews 10:23 were the writer of Hebrews encourages his (or her?) readers that, “We must hold tightly to the hope (better rendered EXPECTATIONS) that we say is ours.  After all, we can trust the one who made the agreement with us.” (CEV)  The 1965 Bible in Basic English concludes this thought as: “for he is true who has given us his word.”  Well, that kind of says it all doesn’t it?  How could I give into doubt and unbelief in the heat of battle when He has promised and repeatedly proven to me that He will stay faithful to His word!

I guess we all face these situations from time to time, but I sure want to experience similar testings with a greater confidence and resolve in Him and His faithfulness that is driven by the unfailing intimate knowledge of His love for me.  Wouldn’t you agree?

By the way, my wife woke up this morning with a slight smile on her face and immediately began nodding her head as I read healing scriptures to her!  He really is faithful you know!  Have a great day.  Stay faithful and in tune to His Word and keep asking yourself… “What am I (really) expecting today?”