Torment

My life over the last few years has been anything but what I used to consider as normal.  It is definitely not what or where I expected it to be.  Due to my wife’s needs our daily routine changes without notice and without a care for what is happening all around us.  At times this can be very frustrating, especially when I am trying to fit into someone else’s schedule.  When my ability to complete the responsibilities that I have agreed to accomplish is compromised, my personal integrity alarm rings loud and clear!  Then the inner torment begins to override my peace as I am torn between taking care of my wife’s immediate, previously unseen need and that of taking care of the other need that I have promised someone else that I would handle.

This morning as I was coming to the conclusion of my Bible study time, I was suddenly drawn to the Apostle John’s thoughts about love in the book of First John chapter four.  The distant chime of the words that “perfect love casts our fear” began to sound from somewhere in the back of my mind. As I turned to page 1196 in my New King James Version of the Bible, verse eighteen of chapter four literally leaped off the page and into my heart saying: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.”

As I meditated on that verse I began to see that much of the torment that I was feeling was self imposed!  Much of the concerns that I considered were things or reactions that I thought might happen when others found out that I was unable to do what I had said that I would do.  In reality, most individuals have been very understanding of our situation.  I say “most” because I think the few that haven’t been, have really made a negative impact on my personal well-being since I tend to want to please everyone!

The lesson that I believe the Lord was trying to convey to me this morning is that I have not been allowing His love to work in the situations in my life.  Suddenly I have found  myself in a place where I cannot personally control my daily life and it has been quite difficult to give up that place of control to God!  Have you ever felt that way?  It is a tough and humbling predicament to be in.  But you know what?  God’s words to Joshua as he embarked upon a completely new and different chapter of his life, sounded off in a fresh and personal way to me this morning:  “I have commanded you, ‘Be strong and courageous!  Don’t tremble or be terrified (or be tormented), because (I) the Lord your God is with you wherever you go… I will never neglect you or abandon you.’”  (Joshua 1:9 & 5 God’s Word ©)

If you at times find yourself in similar circumstances, then I would encourage you as He did to me today, and remember His love for you!  Peel your fingers off the grip of your life and yield that which you can’t control to Him.  I have to tell you… it is quite a freeing experience!  I know that we are always instructed to love others, but there comes a time when you have to focus that love – His love - upon yourself and allow Him to take care of you!  Have a wonderful weekend.  Stay in tune to His Word, and keep asking yourself… “What am I expecting today?”