At The Coast...

Well, I’m back again after my self-imposed one day vacation!  If you’re in the USA, I hope that you enjoyed your President’s Day weekend.  If you recall back to Friday’s post, I had mentioned that I was going to take yesterday off.  And that we did.  After getting a few things done in the morning and then taking a short snooze, my wife and I jumped in the car and headed off to one of our favorite local rides out to the ocean.  It was supposed to be overcast out there, but it ended up being a beautiful day with blue skies and a few scattered clouds.  (okay… there were some dark clouds in the distance, but not enough to put a damper on our jaunt!)

This whole weekend tended to be a culmination of a lot of emotions that had been building up on the inside me.  I had come to the painful realization of the increasing void in me that was symptomatic of the loss of the intimate touch, talk over all communion between my wife and I due to the attack on her mind.  We have been the best of friends, confidants and much more to each other for over forty one years.  I tend to get a little annoyed with the good meaning folks who continuously ask me if I am getting enough time off by myself in the midst of everything that is going on.  To be honest, I don’t want to be off by myself.  Yes there are times that I need to run errands, and/or enjoy a cup of coffee with another friend, but I have and always will cherish my time spent alone in my wife’s company.

What has begun to take its toll though is the visible loss of the unspoken oneness that has always be a mark of our union.  I still share everything with her, use her as my sounding board, tell her my corny jokes (of which she still laughs!) and relate the most intimate thoughts of my heart of which I would never share with anyone else.  The lack of understanding in her eyes is what tears me apart.  And while I fully realize that this is a temporary condition according to the word of our Heavenly Father, I’m still finding myself having to face and deal with the emotions of the present.

Needless to say, I had a lot of hopes in that time off and drive that we took yesterday.  The coast has always been a place of quick reprieve for me.  There have been many times in the past when I hopped into the car and drove out to coastal hamlet of Bodega Bay to stare at the waves, pray and re-center my life.  Yesterday was no different, except that I received some clear direction from the Lord a ways before the blue Pacific came into view.

As we rounded a curve a few miles west of the town of Sebastopol, a song by Chris Tomlin came over the radio.  My deep thoughts and weariness were suddenly broken by the words that traversed past my ears and went directly into my heart saying “Your grace is enough for me!”  It was as if somebody turned on the lights in a darkened room.  The realization of how much dependence I had placed on my wife instead of in the Lord for my satisfaction, peace, happiness and sense of identity unfolded before the eyes of my understanding.  I immediately knew that my total dependence for everything needed to be shifted from my wife to Him and that no matter what lie was unraveling in front of me that His grace is sufficient for me!

It was just like when the persecutions of the people were so heavily drawing upon the strength of the Apostle Paul that he cried out to the Lord to remove the constant attacks when He told him that “My grace is sufficient for you…”  (2 Corinthians 12:9 MKJV)  I will share more on this throughout this week, but for now it is important to know that He is the ONLY one on which we should place the foundations of our lives.  It is a burden that even the greatest of men (or wives!) were not made to carry for us.

So take a journey with me this week as we explore the advantages and freedom of His grace that is sufficient for both you and me.  Take a quick look around you.  Is there anyone whom you need to relieve from carrying your burdens?  You know, it is not fair when we knowingly or unknowingly make others to carry our hopes and dreams.  I had to go up stairs and apologize to my sweet wife this morning… and you know what?  I could see a gleam in her eyes starting to return and a new understanding dawning within her.  Have a good week, stay tuned and keep asking yourself… “What am I expecting today?”