Happy Leap
Day Everyone! I hope that your day and
that your weather wherever you are is as gorgeous as it is right here in
northeastern Oklahoma! I just took the
Five out for our long walk of the morning and its already in the mid-sixties
and I’m loving it by sporting my hiking shorts and a light hoodie… which was
probably a little too heavy for comfort!
It’s been a
busy week for me, how about you?
I had various appointments and FINALLY got my Oklahoma Driver’s
License and was therefore able to register to vote. I think that I have now completed all the
legalities to live here and relinquish any hold onto California or North
Carolina. Although, I have to admit, it
was a little difficult for me to surrender my NC license. I’m not sure why except that it may have had
some connection to Piper. I clearly
remember the day that she and I went to the DMV back there to transfer my
license and get Piper a NC State ID. The
gentleman that waited on us (who was from California) was very patient
and helpful. I had to hold up Piper’s
head a bit for the photo and he took multiple shots until we got the right
one. The good news is that I still have
her NC ID card.
The last two
weeks have been like a rollercoaster with my emotions. I would attribute this phenomenon to moving
all of the rest of our stuff… mainly Piper’s piano and boxes of
personal and garage items… to the house and then my going through the
boxes. I’ve only gone through about ¼ of
them, but so far, it has been one of the toughest assignments I’ve ever
taken on! Like I have been mentioning in
previous posts, many of them contain collections of Piper’s personal possessions,
keepsakes, lots of photographs, clothes, notebooks, ministry lessons and plans and
homeschool memorabilia. For awhile
there, it was like everything I picked up brought back tons of poignant but yet
funny and emotional memories. I
continually found myself bursting out in laughter only to end up in tears… over
and over and over again!
I decided to
take a break toward the end of this week and concentrate on the more mundane
boxes of things like pots and pans, dishes, glassware and silverware. But then even those hold memories of their
own. I’m not sure how common it is, but
after 43 years of marriage we still have some things that were given to us when
we got married. And unpacking those
items brought back memories of their own like, unwrapping the boxes of presents
that took up Piper’s entire bedroom at her parents home, to meaningful times in
the kitchen when we used the items… for instance when… Piper threw a
spatula at me across the kitchen in our first apartment because of something I said…
and believe me… NEVER SAID AGAIN… to sneaking up behind her while
she was chopping up vegetables and planting a BIG, sloppy kiss on her
cheek in front of the kids… followed by her pushing me away saying, “JIIIIIIIIMMM!”
But through
the ups and downs, the tears, the pain and the re-filing of memories from the “Current/Active”
section into the “Wonderful Past” part of my heart, I am beginning (key
word here… BEGINNING) to slowly and surely see that I am taking small steps
into the continuation of my life… without Piper. As I mentioned before, I am learning that
this transition is only going to be possible as I continue to seek out and
expand my intimate, experiential and very personal knowing of Christ’s
love for me as I travel into this new frontier of faith… one that I never
thought I would have to explore!
I was
recently introduced to The Passion Translation of the Bible
through my Bible Study program on my computer.
It’s description of Ephesians 3:17-19 seems to perfectly summarize what
I believe that the Lord has been trying to show me over the last few
weeks. Here the Apostle Paul prays for
us explaining that:
“…by
constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside
you, and the resting place of his love will become the very source and root
of your life. Then you will be
empowered to discover what every holy one experiences—the great magnitude of
the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply
intimate and far-reaching is his love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless
love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding—this extravagant
love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of
God!”
The understanding
of that truth dear readers, is how I am choosing to pursue this new chapter in
this unexpected new season of my life. But
you know… I don’t think that one has to necessarily be going through
something as traumatic as what I am experiencing for this to work in their
lives. I think that this deep and
intimate knowledge of the love that Christ has for you will propel ANYONE
through any situation, at any time, in any place… PERIOD!
What do
ya say?
Have a
super-duper weekend as you seek to experience a taste of the astonishing love
of Christ… JUST FOR YOU!
That’s what I am expecting… How about you?
I found it
kind of interesting… at least to me… when I considered in the shower
today, that the good Lord has been teaching me some very special things each
morning! That may not seem so
interesting in itself, but the fact that it’s been between 6:30 and 7:30 each
morning for about a month now is.
You see, I
am still not sleeping as well as I used to (before Piper got sick) and
find myself waking up at unusual times throughout the night. For some reason, a month or so ago, I started
getting up around 6:15 in the morning to take the dog out to do his thing after
the long night. We usually go out into
the backyard where he sniffs around for a bit, takes care of business, and then
we go back inside where he gets a snack and I go back to bed. I find that I actually enjoy being outside
when the first glimpses of sunlight are just peaking over the house tops. Unless there is a neighborhood dog lurking
behind a fence nearby, it is a time of gentle reflection in the quiet and
calming part of the day... and it seems to work in any weather as we’ve been
out there in the rain, snow, ice and cold wind… like today!
The whole
process only takes about ten minutes and by the time I get back to bed, the
sheets are still warm and in my relaxed state, it is easy for me to have a
simple conversation with God. So, we
talk… and I emphasize the word “WE”. If you’ve never experienced this type of connection
with the Father, I would strongly suggest that you give it a try. In my experience though, it is not something
that necessarily happens immediately, but is a sensitivity that takes time to
develop.
When I get
snuggled back in bed with Fiver about three inches away from me, I usually find
myself confessing many of the scriptures that I’ve been studying and then I
begin to ask questions and/or think out loud about the meaning of a particular
scripture that has had a special significance in something currently going on
in my life. Then I pause and listen. And it is during those quiet times that I’ll
sense His voice in my thoughts, speaking to my heart.
For the last
week, our conversation has been centered around Ephesians 3:18-19 where the
Apostle Paul prays for us believers that, “with all of God's people you
will be able to understand how wide, long, high, and deep his love is. (That) You will know Christ's love,
which goes far beyond any knowledge… so that you may be completely
filled with God.” (God’s Word ©)
As many of
you know, it was a special revelation of the intimacy of God’s love for me and
Piper that helped us… and especially me, to hold on to my trust
in Him without reserve and believe the promises of His Word throughout the 11
years of our battle for her health, no matter what I saw happening before me or
with the negative conclusions that people bombarded me with concerning Piper
and our finances. Lately, in our early
morning conversations, God has been talking to me about the ability of extending
my intimate, experiential and very personal knowing of His love to include the
new friendships I will be making and especially toward the potential of finding
another covenant partner.
I’m not sure
if that sounds strange to anyone out there, but I’ve begun to realize that I
have not wanted nor necessarily had the capability in my heart for another
special individual except for Piper. You
have to understand, that whenever I have fleetingly considered being with
someone else, that my thoughts IMMEDITELY fast-forward to the
time that I pass through the veil and end up in heaven… and have to face
Piper… knowing that I had been with someone else! And YES I know, that with her
passing that it is perfectly and Biblically legal for me to be with another…
but in my minds eye, I am still stuck with my focus of God’s love 100% on
Piper. I would NEVER in a billion years want to do anything to hurt
her!
Over the
last few weeks though, He has been showing me that the boundaries of His love
go WAY beyond my natural understanding (which Ephesians 3:19
describes). Obviously, that’s how it
has to work in heaven when Christians lose a spouse, remarry and they all end up
in heaven! God’s love is much more
expansive than we realize. How else
could God love us after all the awful things we’ve done before we got saved... and
maybe while we’re saved? So, in a
nut shell (and I’ll share more on this in future posts), as I continue
to focus my attention on His love, I believe that He will begin to expand my
understanding and open up my capability to love another with His peace and
blessings.
Like I said,
maybe that sounds weird to some, but it is definitely beginning to make sense
to me and has suddenly given me the ability to see the potential of a future,
normal, happy, fulfilling life again!
Yesterday I even began to see the possibility of a pastoral ministry
format that could work for me… if you remember, Piper’s and my original plan
after Bible School was to pastor our own church.
So… we’ll
see what God has in store for me. And you
know, if He can begin to give me a picture of a bright future again… after
having lived through my personal WORST CASE SCENERIO in life… He can do
it for you as well. If you recall,
Romans 2:11 tells us that “God does not play favorites.” (God’s
Word ©)
I pray that
you have a great week as you take some time alone with God to expand your own
knowledge of the intimate way in which He loves YOU! That’s what I am expecting… How about
you?
Even though
it wasn’t easy… I learned some lessons over the last few days as I went through
boxes of “Piper’s Stuff”. And I was
reminded of one of those lessons this morning as I was about to splash on some
aftershave…
With a
sneaky smile, I grabbed the bottle of “JADE EAST” that was hidden behind my
regular brand of cologne on the counter.
You see… Jade East was the aftershave that I wore, pretty much exclusively,
when Piper and I were dating. It was the
popular brand for all the young guys like me in the 1960’s and 1970’s. How many of you guys out there remember using
it? On a hunch a few years ago, I went
online and found the company that manufactures many of the retro brands of men’s
personal products. So, I ordered a
bottle to see if it would trigger any visible recognition in Piper… which it
didn’t… but certainly does bring back many memories in me!
Today was
one of those times. Being of 100%
Italian descent with dark, thick and wavy hair (you wouldn’t know it today!), I
started shaving when I was twelve years old.
So, needless to say, I wore aftershave for a long time before meeting
Piper. This morning as I patted a little
on my neck, I lifted the medallion I wear with Piper’s name on it and placed a
little bit under it while I laughingly thought that it might just cause her to think about me today!
It also
caused me to remember when she and I went to the wedding of a mutual friend
soon after we ourselves were married. I
had actually dated the bride for a few months before being swept off my feet by Piper! It was this gal that told me…
on the day that she broke up with me… that Piper had told her (upon hearing
that the other gal was going to end it with me), to “Send him my way!” When Piper and I went through the receiving
line, the bride smiled when she saw us (we hadn’t seen her since high school)
and ran her fingers through my hair exclaiming, “Jim, what happened to your
wavy hair?” To which I replied, “I guess
being with Piper straightened it out!” Piper always had that kind of effect on me!
But what I especially smiled at this morning, along with those memories, as I splashed on the Jade
East, was that Piper was the one that was actually pursing me at the beginning
of our relationship… and to be honest, she never stopped… nor did I toward her.
I was joking
with my cousin last night about missing how Piper pursued me, watched out for me and was
very protective of our relationship. I
mentioned that the only time a woman talks to me now is to tell me that I have
a beautiful dog!
As I put the
bottle of Jade East back down on the counter with the wash of memories that
were cascading over me, I was reminded of how the Lord has been helping me to
find my strength in Him during these confusing days since Piper moved on to be
with the Lord. I thought about Ephesians
6:10 where Jesus encourages us to “be strong in the Lord, and in the
strength of his might.” (KJV)
And that was all it took to set me
straight for the day! So, I released my
grip on the bottle of after shave, smiled at all the warm and happy memories
and walked out into the bedroom, ready to continue on with whatever it is that
He has planned for me… and I know it has to be good. After all He gave me Piper, and He’s not
about to give me – or YOU - second best now… is He?
PS: If you missed yesterdays post about the life
of Piper that I discovered while going through the boxes of her stuff… check it
out here:
http://pjberruto.blogspot.com/2020/02/a-life-story-told-through-boxes-of.html
Yesterday
turned out to be a very unique day. It
was both a very good day and a pretty tough one! I’d better explain…
When I had the
rest of our belongings finally moved from storage last Friday, I directed the unloading
of the items and did my best to have the boxes of the things that would end up
in the house as well as those that I knew I wanted to eventually go through,
placed in what will at some point, become the guest room. Everything else went into the garage. My plan was driven by two reasons. The first was that I wanted to be able to
have room in the garage for the car, and the second was that I figured with our
weather extremes out here, that I would much rather unpack boxes in the heated/air-conditioned
house than in the freezing or hot garage.
After I
unpacked the three wardrobe boxes and found clothes that I hadn’t seen for up to a
year and more, I set my focus on the front bedroom with the big window that
faces the street and the golf course.
This room, similar to the one we had in North Carolina, is to become my
study, complete with desk, bookshelves, couch and a TV. There are also plans for my son-in-law to
install ceiling speakers in this room, the living room, master bedroom, garage
and backyard.
On Tuesday I
finished re-assembling the two bookshelves and got the rest of the furniture
placed where I want them in the room… leaving room for a third 80”X32” bookshelf
as the other two were double stacked with books on many shelves! What can I say… I love books! I then spent an hour or two on Tuesday and
the balance of the day on Wednesday going through boxes in the guest room in
order to find all my books that I had packed back in June of 2019.
Yesterday my
curiosity got the best of me when I started coming across boxes marked “Piper’s
Stuff” that were taped and labeled in such a way that I knew they hadn’t
been opened for quite a while… most likely since we moved from California to
Oklahoma back in 2006. Well, that’s
where the good and the tough came into play.
By four in the afternoon, I had gone through documents, pictures, homeschool
notes and assignments, baby notes, Bible notes, personal enrichment books,
knickknacks, posters and greeting cards that told the whole story of Piper’s
life from her birth at 6:29 pm on August 14, 1953 at Memorial Hospital with Dr. R. Johnston in
attendance, to her obituary that I had published in the Santa Rosa Press Democrat
on Sunday, September 23, 2018.
I spent most
of the day on my knees between stacks of boxes viewing and reading all that
information. By four my eyes were quite
red and sore… and when I stood up, my knees let me KNOW in NO
uncertain terms, that they were not happy campers! At that point, I stumbled into the living
room, grabbed the dog’s leash and took him for a refreshing walk to the neighborhood
playground and pond.
I gained some
insights about Piper that I had never thought of before in the trek through her
life that day. Especially in many of the
memories from her pre-Jim childhood.
In one gift box simply notated with a typed label “Piper Canevari”,
I found a pair of her first baby shoes, some cute baby clothes, documents
from her birth and hospital care and then a couple of short diaries that her
Mom had written during Piper’s first year of life. Also included in the box were pictures of a
two or three-year-old Piper with her cousins on her Dad’s side, pictures of a
very young Piper with her cat “Midnight” to which Piper had penned on
the back: “I love my cat Midnight and always will!” Then there were some Church summer camp group
shots when Piper was in Junior High. In
the camp pictures, Piper was in the back row with an obvious “What kind of
trouble can we get in today” sly grin on her face… Ah! Now that’s MY
girl!!!
As I sat on
the couch after dinner, I thought about all that I had witnessed that day and began
to see the transition that Piper had made throughout the years, in becoming the
women that she eventually became in life.
I saw proof of the sweet childhood she had lived, the love of her young mother
toward her first child and the early influences of her family that shaped her
personality, beliefs and outlook on life by the time I entered the
picture. But I also saw an independent
Piper who developed into a strong, mature, vibrant, dedicated, joyful, faith-filled,
Word of God believing Christian who in many ways, differed from the rest of her
family.
John 9:23
does a good job at describing the Piper that everyone knew and loved. Here Jesus told his disciples (ie; you and
me) “As far as possibilities go, everything is possible for the
person who believes." (God’s Word ©) As I’ve stated many times, she was not satisfied
at just being a bystander in life. She LOVED and THRIVED
the most when she was right in the MIDDLE of the action. Whether it was playing a game of touch
football on the beach, teaching homeschool, leading our own kids or the youth
or Children’s Church in a lesson or activity at home, vacation, a retreat or during
a Sunday Service, she enjoyed a hands-on experience. The same was true in the way she loved me as
well as in the way that she pursued active, totally immersed adventures in the
miraculous promises of God… and she did it all with great joy and abandonment.
Come
to think of it… that’s also a good description of the way we lived our 48 years
together!
How would
you characterize your life? What scripture
would most define you? I hope your day
is going well today. On this Thursday, I’m
sticking strictly to unloading and re-shelving all my books. I don’t think I’m ready for another day like
yesterday… maybe tomorrow! But like
Piper, I’m still expecting all things to be possible as I choose to actively
believe in my Father God and His Word.
How ‘bouts you?
One thing
that I have learned over the last year and a half is that the grief process
makes for a very strange bedfellow! When
you read many of the fine books written about the process, of which I’ve
read three… one twice… most agree that it is a five-step process. What I didn’t foresee was the way that one
can easily bounce back and forth throughout each of those five steps. In my personal experience so far, just when I
feel like I’ve progressed through numerous steps, a memory pops up from nowhere
and I suddenly find myself in a deep dive back down to step one!
I’ve come to
accept the fact that when one loses someone very close to you, that you become
very susceptible to many random thoughts, emotions and memories that like I
stated earlier, seem to simply appear out of nowhere! I went into the kitchen a week ago Saturday
night to pour myself another glass of Pepsi Zero Sugar while I was watching TV,
and suddenly pictured Piper in my mind’s eye and completely fell apart! All I could think of and croak out while the
tears poured down my face was how much I missed her! And then… whoosh! The emotion was totally gone and I stood
shell-shocked in front of the counter thinking… “Where did that come from?”
Over this
last weekend I was in the bedroom unpacking a couple of wardrobe boxes when I
came across some of Piper’s nicer clothes and her collection of shoes. That was difficult as the further down I went into
the box, the deeper I went into countless memories of her wearing a particular
outfit or pair of shoes. I finally had
to sit down on the bed and pet the dog while wave after wave of emotions flowed
over me.
And while
we’re on the subject of Piper’s shoes, as I sat in one of my two La-Z-Boy
recliners this morning in the midst of my daily Bible study, I found myself
glancing at a picture sitting on one of the speakers near the TV, of a 19 year
old Piper sitting sideways in a chair on her parent’s deck with one foot
extended across the frame. Before I
realized it, I started chuckling at the thought of her feet… Yes… you heard
right, her feet! You see… now
don’t think this to be weird or anything… but, I was always enamored with
her little feet. Like the rest of her
small statured frame, she had tiny feet (size six) and even tinier
toes!
During the
summer when she wore her sandals and was seated on the couch or bed, I was
known on occasion to reach out and surprise her at times when she least
expected it, by reciting the nursery rhyme about “This Little Piggy”
while gentle pulling on each of her toes until I got to the little toe and
would wiggle it saying… while both of us laughed uncontrollably by that time… “And
this little piggy cried ‘wee wee wee’ all the way home.” Like I said, random thoughts!
I had
another random thought yesterday while Fiver and I walked along the golf course
to the neighborhood pond. It suddenly
dawned on me of how God seemed to have waited until I had finished my first year
at Bible college before we received the first negative report concerning the
findings of Piper’s initial brain scans back in 2007. The first-year curriculum consists of an
intensive study of the tenets or doctrines of the Biblical Word of Faith
principles that we believe in. It was
like a step by step review and greater revelation of all the truths that Piper and I
learned and taught for the previous 31 years… You talk about God knowing EXACTLY
what we needed in order to face what was ahead of us.
Earlier in
the morning I had read from Romans 10:8-9 where Paul teaches us:
“But what
saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy
heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach; That if thou
shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart
that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (KJV)
As I did a
word study on many of the terms used in this scripture, I came to understand
that the "word" that that is spoken of is the “rhema” word
of God, which in difference to the “Logos” of God, is a word that God
speaks to one’s heart that most times has special meaning to the
individual for something in their lives.
In other words, it is a word of significance that one takes the time to
knead and work into their daily lives.
It is a word that, when worked in, becomes a part of who you are and of
how you respond when pressed with the difficulties you may face.
The word “nigh”
or “near” in modern translations means “to squeeze (Strong’s); to be
near in place or position.” (Thayer’s)
I got the immediate thought after reading the original Greek meanings,
that it’s that Word that you’ve worked into your character so that it is your
first thought and/or reaction when squeezed with pressures of life. And that is exactly what happened with Piper
and I after we received that first detailed negative report. We didn’t panic… sure I felt a TON of
sorrow and pain at that shocking pronouncement… but I/we didn’t panic. We instantly knew that HE was
our only answer and we quickly put it ALL into His hands.
His promises
to me are what usually come to mind immediately after experiencing those emotion
filled random memories of Piper that come out of seemingly nowhere. Yes, I strongly feel the pain and all the
associated emotions, but I don’t stay there.
Instead of giving in to self-pity, I seek the peace, praise
and refuge that comes from His Word.
How about
you? Where do you go when you are
squeezed with the pressures you face in your life? Like I always tend to say… God’s Word
works! So, I would implore you to
take the time to get into His promises. And
like baking a loaf of bread… knead it and work it so that the finished product
is soft, tender and delicious to the taste!
I’d much rather have the taste and flavor of the victory that His Word
gives me rather than the staleness of fear… Wouldn’t you?
A funny
thing happened yesterday morning as I finished loading my groceries into the
back seat of my car. I had been thinking
about Piper while I traversed the aisles in my local Super Walmart, in fact, it
was almost like we had been shopping together…
In previous
years before moving to Oklahoma in 2006, Piper and I used to go grocery shopping
together with the kids or many times, when they got older, by ourselves. You talk about a romantic interlude at
Food For Less and then Food Max… Hey… I’d take time with my wife anyway I
could! Usually I would play the role of
her Gofer in order to help the shopping experience to be accomplished with more
efficiency. One thing I have to say
about Piper, was that she knew that store well.
She’d send me off on an errand to grab a box of this or a package of
that and not only tell me the aisle number but also the bin location and
the shelf in that bin!
She also
knew where all the bargains were in the store.
For instance, she learned that some things, like a few of the particular
spices that she enjoyed cooking with, were cheaper in the Hispanic food section
than the one’s in the name brand areas of the store. Looking back, it’s interesting to remember
that she had such a sharp mind and memory and never seemed to lose her cool
when the store was crowded or when they were out of a product she was looking
for. To see that special ability being stolen
from her with the onset of Alzheimer’s was one of the many difficult parts of
her final years.
Those final
years were exactly what I had been thinking about as I walked out to the car
after shopping yesterday. And by the
time I had unloaded my basket and closed the back door on the car, I was
suddenly struck with the vivid picture of how Piper looked the day before she
passed. I stood there next to the car
and stared up into the heavens and began to thank the Lord for helping me to
have the ability to see past the physical as her features deteriorated and
look into her heart to see the REAL Piper who was still there
on the inside.
To this day,
it still surprises me to look at pictures showing how much her beautiful
features changed over time. But I NEVER
dwelt on it at the time because I was so focused on God’s LOVE
and His PEACE. Early this
morning before day break, I laid in bed and began to think about the attributes
of God’s LOVE and His PEACE. It dawned on me that they are the only fruit
of the Spirit that the Bible talks about (See: Galatians 5:22-23) that
have the ability to take a believer “far beyond any knowledge” (Ephesians
3:19 God’s Word ©) or “passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7 KJV) Think about that for a moment! When we enter into active participation
with the LOVE and PEACE of God, we can gain the ability
to trust in something more powerful than what our senses are telling us concerning
any situation in life! We can
see and act BEYOND the limitations of our natural minds!
How else can
I explain the way that I saw Piper throughout her eight plus year ordeal. The Lord helped me to see beyond what was happening
with her physical body. I learned to concentrate
on what His Word was telling me and not listen to my senses nor to the
fears of people around us. I remember an
incident following a fall that Piper had taken.
I had brought her to the hospital the day following the spill because her
hip was beginning to turn a lovely shade of black and blue and it was obvious that
she was uncomfortable. I was concerned
thinking that she may have broken her hip, but thank God, it was only a bruised
hip. In a conversation about the results
of our hospital visit with someone, I was more than a little miffed when the
individual’s comment was a bland “Oh, the poor thing!” My indignation stemmed from my point of mind
that Piper was neither POOR nor just a THING!
It was
obvious that this individual and I had a totally different view of the
condition of my wife. I saw Piper as I believed
the Word saw her… I thought back, as I
stood in the Walmart parking lot yesterday, of how decimated her body looked as
my daughter and I helped the nurse to gently turn her over in bed the day before
she left us and it brought me to tears.
But it’s not the picture of how I REALLY saw her back
then, nor choose to remember now. In
fact, I had a dream about her last night where I had entered into a crowded
room of people and IMMEDIATELY noticed my wife in the midst of
the throng of people present. Then she turned,
looked at me and walked over to me… and let me tell you… SHE LOOKED GREAT…
just as she did as I pictured her in my spirit, throughout the final years
of her physical life.
You don’t
have to convince me about having the ability to go far beyond any natural
intellect or knowledge when it comes to experiencing the promises of God! How about you?
Choose today
to Let His LOVE and His PEACE take you beyond the
limitations of your natural intellect… then, say with me… “I am expecting to
see things as God sees them today!”
Both of our
last two dogs loved to be out in the snow!
I can’t say the same for our first two dogs… although, to be honest,
I don’t believe that they were ever in the snow, being as they lived their
entire lives in northern California. Our
first sheltie was born in Sebastopol, California while our second was from
Rohnert Park. I’m not too sure where our
first Aussie mix came from, although I would assume, she originated in Santa
Rosa where we adopted her at the county Animal Shelter. But Mandie, in difference to Melanie and Mollie
(do you catch a pattern here? Piper
named our first three dogs and for some reason liked “M” names!), had the
opportunity to live in both Oklahoma and North Carolina and ABSOLUTELY
loved to frolic in the snow when she got to experience it!
Now Fiver,
on the other hand, was born and bred in snow country. According to the Aussie Rescue organization
that we got him from, he was born in West Virginia, was originally rescued in
South Carolina and ended up with Piper and I in North Carolina… that dog’s
been around… and now he’s in Oklahoma!
We got a fairly
decent sprinkling of snow throughout the day on Wednesday that, due to the twenty-degree
weather, mostly stayed on the ground Thursday and is still making its scattered
presence known today. Fiver and I took
our usual walks on Wednesday and Thursday although we had to be extra careful
with our walk yesterday morning.
Traversing up the berm to the pond was quite the slippery experience as
was walking up the slope to our front porch.
Fiver actually helped to pull or rather slide me up our snow-over-ice
covered lawn! There are times when
having a strong, 65lb dog comes in handy!
He seemed to enjoy the walks and the moments afterwards when I grabbed a
towel to dry him off and remove the ice that was packed in his paws!
This morning
as we walked along the fence with the golf course, Fiver would suddenly take
off with a leap and then dive down to the snow and take in a mouthful of the
white powder! At one point on our return
trip, I paused while he was nosing around under the snow and took a thoughtful
look at the empty golf course. Most of
the fairways were free of snow but a splattering of the white stuff still
adorned many of the little mounds throughout the course. Yesterday I watched in glee as a young Mom
and her two small kids used plastic sleds to cruise down the sides of the mounds
in the gold course. I’m not too sure if
they were supposed to be there or not, but it sure looked like fun!
As I
looked out into the distance, I had the perspective, that the golf course
looked a little lonely while it awaited for the snow and puddles to dissolve so
that it could return to its designated purpose in life… and I thought… that’s
kinda the way I feel right now! The
only problem is that I don’t yet seem to know what my designated purpose is in
this chapter of this unexpected new season in my life.
I was
praying yesterday afternoon and felt led to grab my journal and write down some
of the many things that Piper was to me.
On the long list, I penned that Piper helped tremendously to keep me steady. That she was my rock and at
times helped to keep me from losing it and going bonkers! She kept me on point, on target
and focused on my responsibilities, dreams and visions. She helped to keep me going in
the good times and the bad, in the easy times and the hard ones, in the happy
times as well as in the sad times… in other words, she helped to keep me
at peace! And the list went on
and on!* At one point I plopped down on
the couch and thought, “That’s a lot of me that’s missing right now!”
That list
came back to mind as my eyes and thoughts wondered across the silent gold
course this morning. But what also came
to mind were the words of King Solomon when he wrote: “To every thing there
is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” (Ecclesiastes
3:1 KJV) That familiar verse immediately gave me hope for a positive
future as I continue to place and keep my
expectations firmly implanted in His Word, His Love, His Grace and His Peace.
In many
respects, I am just like that golf course.
Everything is in place and I’m just waiting for His perfect timing to
melt the snow and drain the puddles that have come upon me with the loss of
Piper. So, I keep praying, seeking Him
and continuing on in life under His steady hand and constant presence. How about you today? Are you feeling a little lost or
unusable? Well, fret not as the Lord our
God has you in the palm of His hand and is guiding you along His path that
always leads to good things!
Have a
wonderful weekend! We’re supposed to get
into the sunny fifties throughout the next two day, so I’m gonna enjoy it! Whatever’s happening… keep your
eyes on Him, hold on and don’t let go… Tell God in your prayers that… “I’m
expecting His best today!”
*I don't want to infer that it was a one-sided activity, for I am sure that I performed many of those same aids for her... It's just without her, I don't think a lot about me... My focus on our life together is many times solely centered on her! (which I'm finding is normal with the loss of a loved one)
Please
Note: This is a re-post of a blog post I wrote two
years ago while my wife was still with us.
It struck a chord with me as I read it again today for, I have recently been
thinking about the importance of “Childlike Faith” in the heart and life of all
of us in our changing world. Have a good
read! I’m staying home and out of the
cold and snowy weather we are experiencing today!
_____________ February 5, 2018
As I was
helping my wife with breakfast this morning, I couldn’t help but be mesmerized
by the brightness that seemed to glow from her beautiful brown eyes. That gleam in her eyes was one of the things
that attracted me to her in the first place those many years ago! With the onset of Alzheimer’s that gleam has
not always been there in the morning but today was one of the good days where
the old spark of life in Piper was trying its best to re-exert its presence in
her.
My immediate
thought as I looked into her countenance today was the truth of how she always
exhibited a zeal for life, coupled with a strong child-like faith in God. Matthew 18:4 tells us that: “Whoever
becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's
kingdom.” (The Message) But don’t
get me wrong here, while her faith may have been child-like it was far from
childish or naïve. From the earliest
days of our relationship she always seemed to be beyond her years in her
Christian maturity. I believe her
child-like faith was predicated on her ever-increasing knowledge of God’s
Word. To be perfectly honest, she has
always had a greater understanding of the Word of God than me.
She had a
knack of memorizing scripture verses. It
just seemed to come easy to her. When
she would hear or study a portion of the Word that spoke to her heart, it was
like she would automatically memorize it for later recall, for teaching
purposes or to simply enfold it into her life.
Piper was always excited about the things of God and lived to obey Him
in whatever she felt He was calling her or us to do for Him.
When I
completed Bible College and we returned home, I got the definite idea through
things that were said and done, that there were some in her family who were
under the impression that I must have coerced my wife to move to Oklahoma. But in reality, the opposite was true!
Piper’s
immediate reaction when I shared that I felt that the Lord was telling us to go
to Bible school was one of excitement and total agreement… and believe me…
if there was any question from her about moving, I would have drawn back and
re-evaluated everything I thought I was hearing from God! If she wasn’t in total agreement then we
didn’t go! Over the years I have grown
to greatly respect and honor her wisdom and thought on any and every decision
we have ever made.
But once the
decision was agreed on… watch out!
For from then on, we were standing on the Word of God for every jot and
tittle of the faith adventure we were following God into… and for anything we
came across along the way, if the Word said it… then we believed it as so! One of Piper’s favorite sayings was “God said
it, I believe it and that settles it!” That’s what I would call “Child-like
faith!”
Over the
past few weeks Piper and I have been reading from T.L.Osborn’s classic book on
healing entitled: “Biblical Healing.” In it the great evangelist to Europe and Asia
tells the story of his wife’s and his hunger to preach the gospel and pray for
the sick. After initial efforts
ministering to the Muslims overseas resulted in almost zero conversions, they
returned home to the US greatly discouraged.
But even though they felt the sting of failure, the hunger inside of
them still prevailed and they began to seek the Lord in earnest for answers.
Then when a
well know healing evangelist came to their town, they began to see the light as
hundreds of people were instantly healed by the power of God in his
crusades. As they pressed into the Lord
in prayer and dug deeper into His Word, they began to realize the reality of
Hebrews 13:8 where the writer of the letter declares that “Jesus Christ is
the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (God’s Word ©) They saw that this
Word was in line with Mark’s words at the end of his gospel when he boldly
recalled Jesus’ statements concerning the believer’s activities following
Jesus’ ascension to the right hand of God stating: “And they went forth, and
preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the
word with signs following. Amen.” (KJV)
And that did
it! With the child-like faith that God
would do what He said in His Word, they set off again to China, Russia and
other countries and began to see the results of their simple faith in God and
His Word. Since then, T.L. Osborn and
his Wife Daisy became “known for their mass-miracle ministry to millions.” They were “also the first missionary evangelists
to attend open fields or parks, in non-Christian nations, to proclaim Christ
and to pray for miracles as proof that ‘He is Alive.’”
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._L._Osborn)
Brother
Osborn would preach a simple evangelistic message concerning the need to except
Jesus Christ as Savior, pray a salvation prayer and then share examples from
Jesus’ healing ministry in the New Testament and conclude with a group healing
prayer over the hundred’s in attendance… and the miracles would begin to occur
all around the crowd. It was amazing…
and it was all based on two people’s simple, Child-like faith in God and His
Word! But like Piper, they first had to KNOW
what was in the Word before they could respond in child-like obedience to that
Word!
That’s probably
the biggest reason for “hearing” God’s Word on a personal level! (See:
Luke 2:18) From there it only
takes Child-like faith to see Him work in your life. Have a great week, and as you do, keep asking
yourself… “What am I expecting to learn about God and His promises to me in
His Word today?”
Do you ever
find yourself singing a particular song during the day? Maybe it’s just the chorus or a single line
that seems to be indelibly stuck in your mind.
I realized the other morning as I was getting out of bed, that I many
times will sing simple praise songs… especially if I am fighting
discouragement, needing a solution for a particular problem or just… believe
it or not… if I am in a good mood!
Most times,
my simple praise songs are the choruses that we sang during our years in Children’s
ministry… you know… the ones we literally sang hundreds of times in the
four different churches where we worked directly with the kids. Some of the songs are old favorites that have
been around for years, but the vast majority of them are songs that either
Piper or I wrote. We always enjoyed
writing original songs that best fit the flavor and interests of the particular
church and the kids who attended the Children’s ministry at that time.
We learned
early on that just because you may like a national curriculum, that parts of it
might not be a good fit for the kids in your city or part of the country. So, you pick and choose and modify as
necessary. (or write your own like I did many times!) I often wondered if people
knew how much time a good Children’s or Youth minister puts in, behind the
scenes, before and after a Sunday or mid-week service? I once figured out that I was actually making
less than six dollars an hour at one of the churches we served in. But, when you are called and love what you
do, the money doesn’t really matter! For
Piper and I, there was nothing more full-filling than seeing your Children’s or
Youth group participants holding their hands up, while they are totally lost in
the Spirit, worshipping the Lord while singing those simple praise songs in
worship.
Mark 10:15
tells us, “Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a
child, you'll never get in." (MSG)
So, while those simple praise songs I find myself singing… a lot of
the time… may not be as sophisticated or deep or theological as many of the
worship songs we adults normally sing on Sunday mornings, I believe the sincerity of the
heart brings them directly to the throne room of God.
I vividly
remember Piper and I watching the PTL Club late one night after I had gotten
home from work in the early 1980’s, when Jim and Tammy were interviewing an
older, well-known country singer. His
was a very sad story and you could tell by the worn look on his face that he
had lived a hard life. But then he
pulled up his guitar and began to play the simple children’s song that we
probably all learned as a child singing, “Jesus loves me this I know, for
the Bible tells me so” and the tears flowed freely down his cheeks. I’m pretty sure that they came down Piper’s
and mine as well while we watched and listened.
That man’s
sincerity and the love in his eyes changed me that night. I learned to never take ANY
song sung about and to our Savior lightly, for you NEVER
know the change it may incur in someone.
The gentleman explained when he finished the song, that in the lowest
time in his life, he suddenly began to sing that song that he learned as a child
in Sunday School and it brought him to his knees and back to Christ… for
good!
So, I enjoy
singing those simple choruses. I sometimes
even do the silly hand motions while I sing them! They’re fun, they take my mind off of whatever
may be bothering me… and they make me laugh!
(I’m not too sure what the neighbors think… but oh Well… Maybe it will force them to come over and ask
what I’m doing… or then again…to stay far away from me… Hummmm…hadn’t thought
of that perspective!)
Have a great
new week and I encourage you to sing some praise songs to God when times are
rough or when times are good… then let His blessing flow to
and through you unto others!
Oh yea… let me know what your neighbors say... while you’re expecting God’s
best through glorifying Him in praiseful song.
“Oh, what
a beautiful mornin'
Oh, what a beautiful day
I've got a beautiful feelin'
Everything's goin' my way” *
I can’t
think of any better words to describe how I felt this morning when Fiver and I
walked along the pathway that meanders through our neighborhood close to the
city golf course next door, than the famous words of the opening song of the
musical “Oklahoma” written by Richard Roberts and lyricist/librettist
Oscar Hammerstein II in 1943. I mean
let’s face it… 45 degrees, bright blue sunny skies, very little wind, golfer’s
laughing and talking as they play the game they love and dogs barking excitedly
as the two of us walked past their yards… it was Great!
As we turned
from the pond to return to our home, I suddenly started thinking about the TWO
SIDES OF EXPECTATION… and it kind of stumped me for a moment. I’d never really thought about it that way
before…
I had a really nice
conversation with one of Piper’s cousins and her husband in Nevada yesterday
afternoon. They are one of the few
members of Piper’s family who regularly communicate with me and I very much
cherish our discussions. They make me
feel like I am still a special part of her family. At one point in our over two-hour session
they began to ask me a few questions about “hearing God.” They mentioned that during our conversation
that I had on numerous occasions, said that "I felt God’s leading" in such and
such an event and wanted some clarification.
They’re concern was in their desire to know how to differentiate their
own thoughts from God’s directions.
So, we
talked about it for quite awhile and I shared from both the Word and from
personal examples of both Piper’s and mine through the years. Piper’s cousin is the one in the family, that
in many respects, is most like Piper in her personality and sense of
adventure. And it is very exciting and
meaningful to me as she shares a lot of great and funny memories about Piper’s
past… many that I had not heard before.
These memories have helped to put together parts of the puzzle when it came to times that Piper would respond in certain situations that were unlike her immediate
family.
I’ve come to
find out that Piper was the one that her cousin would normally call in the
family when she needed some encouragement or spiritual advice. Piper is very much alive in her heart and I
love hearing her encouraging and comical perspective when it comes to my wife.
One of the
things that I mentioned to them was the whole idea of EXPECTING
to hear from God when you pray and ask a request of Him. We discussed the many ways in which His
answer or assistance may come and of the importance of staying alert
to the things, people and places around them from which God may speak and of
the importance of letting peace be their guide.
(You may recall when Paul told his readers “And let the peace
of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be
ye thankful.” Colossians 3:15 KJV)
So, I’m sure
that it was that part of the conversation and more, that caused me to think once
again about EXPECTATIONS on our walk this morning. When I paused and turned my vision back to
the peacefulness of the water on the pond, I began to think about how Piper
always EXPECTED and, in many ways, demanded the best from
me… and as I thought about it, I realized that I did the same with her. We had the kind of relationship where each of
us tended to draw out the best in each other.
When I had a need and went to her, I KNEW that she would
give me her best in the best way she could at that moment. And in her times of need, I did the same, up
to and including the last eight years of her life.
I
absentmindedly found myself looking at a lady standing on the fairway with her
husband and realized that I was comparing her to Piper in the way she was
dressed. Don’t get me wrong, the lady
had a nice kind of loose fitting sweat suit/jogging/sports outfit on and she
looked very comfortable and happy. But I
remembered with a smile, that all the jogging/sports outfits that Piper wore
were always a little more form fitting.
She worked at keeping up her figure through the years and wasn’t afraid
to modestly accent it with the clothes she wore. Piper always tended to do most things with
what she considered to be a level of excellence. And it didn’t take me long to EXPECT
that excellence from her in our interactions… and her with me as well.
But as we
turned and walked down the berm to the grass near the playground, it dawned on
me that in order for me to EXPECT her best, that I needed to
be deserving of receiving that EXPECTATION. Philippians 1:27 encourages us to:
“Live as citizens who reflect the Good News about Christ.” (God’s Word
©) This verse is a good characterization
of how we attempted to live our lives with and toward each other. I say “attempted” because we all have
our off times… me more than her I would think… but I guess you catch my
drift… it was something we worked at throughout the years. During our 48 years together, both of us
demonstrated our love for each other with words and corresponding actions that
built our trust in one other. It’s
something that grew and developed with lots of practice… and sometimes
patience as well!
I suddenly
understood as we walked back along the fence line of the golf course, that the same
can be said in our relationship with God.
Hebrews 11:1 teaches us that “Faith assures us of things we EXPECT…”
(God’s Word ©) How else can you be in
faith to EXPECT God’s best, if you’re not deserving of having
that EXPECTATION? And we
build that trust by spending time with Him in prayer, in the Word and in
fellowship with like minded believers.
It is something that takes time to patiently grow and develop between
the two of you… just like the trust it took for Piper and I to EXPECT
each other’s best when called upon. That’s
where the idea of the TWO SIDES OF EXPECTATION comes in! It takes cooperation from both individuals!
So, do I EXPECT
God’s best every time I come to Him with a prayerful request? You bet!
But I continually take the effort to grow and increase that trust
between us… everyday… 24/7 – 365 days a year… or 366 in this Leap year!
What about
you? What are you EXPECTING
from God when you pray?
*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh,_What_a_Beautiful_Mornin%27
