Process/Work and the Pain...

This last month has been kind of a world-wind time for me with the passing of my wonderful wife and life-long companion.  It’s come complete with all kinds of thoughts and emotions flying wildly through my head!  It’s been a time of tremendous pain, emotional stress and emptiness.  I think I now have a pretty good idea of what they mean when they talk about having a broken heart… there have been times when I have actually felt like my physical heart broke in two!

I promised the Lord early on in this process that I would not question Him about the “Why’s” of Piper’s situation, but instead trust Him implicitly for our incredible 48 years of joyful and productive life together.  I’ve been through the tremendous hurt and confusion of having people question and criticize my every move, and believe me when I say that it does absolutely nothing to help the situation.  From my personal experience it only builds division, causes frustration and can easily lead to anger and unforgiveness if not dealt with.

So, why put that kind of pressure on myself?  Instead, I’m choosing to move on from here.  Now don’t get me wrong… I am not saying that I have an easy road ahead of me.  I was reading through a magazine sent to me by our friends at the hospice organization we’ve been working with called “Compassionate Journey.”  In it (and I would imagine in the continuing issues I’ll receive throughout the next year) there are numerous articles about the many different philosophies on the grieving process.

As I looked at the somewhat opposing views of the “Process” and “Work” models, I could see myself as I meander through the early stages of this new walk in parts of almost all of them!  One of the six “R’s” of the process of mourning developed by Dr. Therese Rando, who is the author of “How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies,” as well as a psychologist in Warwick, Rhode Island, where she is the Clinical Director of The Institute for the Study and Treatment of Loss, is to “Recollect and re-experience the deceased.”

Well… that hit the nail on the head, as I and many around me have been enjoying many positive peeks into Piper’s and my past.  There have been so many “incidents” that have come back to my memory alone, that I haven’t been able to keep up with recording them in my journal entitled, “Piper’s Story!”  But along with the smiles and the heartfelt thoughts also come the moments of tearful recognition that she will no longer be occupying the seat in the car next to me, lie on the other side of the bed, or have the ability to walk hand in hand with me through the next season of life.

So where do I go?  Well, as before, I continue to depend on God and His Word.  Colossians 1:9 tells me that I can pray to Him asking “that he would fill me with the knowledge of His will through every kind of spiritual wisdom and insight.” (God’s Word © personalized)  And this morning I discovered a proclamation of the Psalmist who declared with heartfelt praise to the Lord that, “the pleasure of the Lord our God be on us: O Lord, give strength to the work of our hands.” (Psalm 90:17 BBE) 

I had to stop and ask myself after reading this particular Psalm what was and how do I discover the PLEASURE of the Lord.  Then I realized that he is referring to God’s will and as we know today, that His will is found in His Word!  So… as I caught myself doing yesterday as I walked down the hallway in our home, I need not be repeatedly whining about not knowing what my future holds, but instead be thanking God that He is showing me His will… and then GET into the Word and allow Him to lead me to His plan and His purpose for this next chapter in my life!

And you know?  There are other benefits to spending more time in the Word during this tough time in my life as it is one of the few places where I can find true peace, rest and renewing from the emotional, physical and mental tumult that I am going through!  And I also know that it is the place for each of you to receive peace from any and everything that might be going on in your lives right now!

What do you say?  Want to join me as I begin at the book of Romans and read/study through the New Testament epistles?  I would suggest that you do it at your own pace, take a few notes but mostly… just ask the Lord to show you His will for you.

Have a terrific weekend, and as you do, say with me: “I am expecting to discover God’s will for my life as I spend time with Him in His Word!”