The WHAT, WHO and HOW and a Hallmark Movie...

I have to admit that I had a pretty good day yesterday… well… mostly that is!  How about each of you?  How did your day go?*  Mine began with another dynamite personal study time in the Bible.  Lately it feels like my Bible Study times have taken another step upward in my understanding of the WHAT, WHO, and HOW of this new chapter, in this new season of my life.  That’s the WHAT this new life of mine is, WHO I am in it, and HOW do I do it!  

I painfully realized when I returned from my new neighborhood CVS on Monday, that nobody there knows me or what I am all about.  It hit me hard when I suddenly understood that my whole identity is still based on my life with my deceased wife Piper.  I put it that way because for some reason, when they transferred my CVS account from North Carolina, they put it under Piper’s name… Only when I pull up the account online it doesn’t say “Welcome Piper” across the top (it used to say “Welcome Jim”)… it says: “Welcome Deceased!”  A little creepy wouldn’t you say?

It won’t allow me to change it online and I’ve asked them three times at the store and it still reads the same!  Oh well… its another funny story to tell, I guess!  What I realized on Monday’s visit to CVS for a new prescription of mine, is that literally everyone who worked at the last three CVS’s that we frequented between Santa Rosa, Morrisville and then the one in Fuquay-Varina, knew Piper and I.  I mean we went in at least twice a week for her multitude of prescriptions and other medical supplies and just naturally got to know the folks… like I said in my last post… I like to be friendly and get people to laugh and be happy!  But here, there’s no Piper, and I only go in every few weeks or less.  

As I walked out the door Monday, it hit me that while I still see myself in line with my practically lifelong relationship with Piper, no one here knows me that way.  In the other stores the employees knew us and knew that I was THAT guy who loved his wife unconditionally, cared for her 24/7, and took her everywhere with him.  I even had different cashiers at the Walmart we regularly shopped at in NC mention that they would see us all the time in the store!  But now… well, I’m just another customer.  Hopefully they see me as a friendly guy who always seeks to encourage them when I come in, but there is nothing about me that stands out anymore!

But going back to my morning Bible Studies… I feel like the Lord has been giving me hints and/or clues almost daily now, that are beginning to fill in the large number of blanks in regard to the WHAT, WHO and HOW of this new life of mine.  To say the least, this has been a most interesting journey!

As I started to say at the beginning of today’s post, yesterday was going well after a quick grocery trip in the morning and a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon along with some great weather and numerous walks with the dog.  Then I kind of set myself up for a fall!  I did it… Yes I did… I watched a Hallmark movie!  It was one I had seen before and it wasn’t too sappy and I had enjoyed the plot and the actors.  So, I thought that it would be okay.  And it was until it came to the regular twist in each and every Hallmark movie where something (usually pretty stupid and meaningless in my experience… but maybe I am a little naïve since I judge every experience in light of the relationship Piper and I had) happens between the two love interests and they split up (before having a miraculous intervention and they come back together and kiss as the camera fades off into the sunset!)

About the time that this was happening on the big screen (my new 65” TV is incredible!  Sometimes I feel like I could step right into the scene!) I went into the kitchen to get something and out of nowhere I suddenly had the STRONG and FORCEFUL realization that I HAVE to come to the point of acceptance that Piper is GONE for good, is NOT coming back and that things in my life will NEVER be the same again!  Talk about a shocker!  I almost fell to the ground as my knees went weak with the thought.  

But it was a little different this time as I didn’t fall completely apart.  Instead I reached out to the counter for support and began to think about the various scriptures that the Lord had been showing me over the course of the last few days concerning the WHAT, WHO and HOW of my life today.  The first familiar verse that popped into my head was from Isaiah 55:12 where I believe the Lord had spoken encouragingly to me saying: “Jim, for with gladness you shall go forth, and in (peaceful) joy you shall be led.  For the mountains and the hills shall leap out favorably receiving you in joy, and all the trees of the field shall clap with their tender branches.” (Apostolic Bible Polyglot)

I believe that He had been showing me that the mountains and hills spoken of in this verse could be seen for me, as the difficult, uncertain and uncomfortable things that I will have to face along this new journey.  But this particular translation brought out the idea that although it may be tough going at times, that I will be received favorably as I follow the leadings of His peace in my spirit.  So while I realized that there are still many more steps that I need to take concerning my memories with Piper… many that I quickly realized that I am not willing to let go of yet… that there is some progress being made and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel… and it is NOT a train! 

Well… I’d best bring this LONG post to a close and just say that as far as I can see… God is still on the throne and that HE is still in charge of my life and can be of yours as well!  As much as I don’t like having to walk this walk… I am NOT a quitter and choose to go on with His plans for my life… whether I particularly feel like it or not!  HOW ABOUT YOU?*

Have a great mid-week and if times get tough or you’re feeling a little blue… just expect God’s best by concentrating on His promise of the mountains and the hills of your life “breaking forth into shouts of joy before you!” (Isaiah 55:12 NASB)


*I love it when my readers interact with me by commenting on my posts…. That’s why I almost always ask a question or two in each post I write.  Please feel free to share your answers to those questions or share your thoughts with me by leaving your remarks on my Facebook page directly under the post, or through my personal email at jimberruto@att.net or directly on the my blog page at pjberruto.blogspot.com.  Thanks!  & I continue to pray that these writings bring a little encouragement into your daily lives.