Satisfaction

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how unsatisfying my life has been since Piper left us for her heavenly home… Well… maybe not my life as a whole, because the Lord has continued to show His faithfulness to me over the three years that she’s been gone.  It’s more like the heart-felt, deeply personal satisfaction that our interactions gave me whenever we were together.  In describing the foundations of a successful marriage, Genesis 2:24 profoundly states, “That’s why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.” (CEV)

The idea of becoming as one, or “one flesh” as many other translations put it, was, I believe, the undergirding reason behind the success of our and every other strong Christian marriage.  Therefore, it stands to reason, that when she left and went to heaven, she brought a big part of me with her.

And on that thought… I did have a good chuckle this morning as I was thinking about it while I stepped into the shower.  As the hot water brought instant relief to some of the sore joints that have seemed to invade my knees and hips, I just had to shout out “Hey!  There is already a part of me in heaven!”  Now… let me say that I have absolutely no Biblical proof to support that thesis, but it sure uplifted me and gave me the morning jolt that my earlier cup of coffee had failed to accomplish!

But whether it is true or not, the fact of the matter is, that even after three years, I still feel like there is a huge hole inside of me… an empty place that was once the reservoir of all the things that she used to supply, fill and satisfy!

So, as you can imagine, I’ve been talking to the Lord in detail about this missing part of me.  To say that I still think about her a lot would be a grave understatement.  It seems like anything… and at times EVERYTHING, can and will trigger poignant and funny memories of something she said, of her quirks or habits, her physical features, funny statements, wise counsel, or just the confident way in which she carried herself.

Even the dog’s occasional snoring at night reminds me of her as she would occasionally do the same while sleeping on her back… and I would gently tap her on the shoulder and softly say “Piper, Piper” to which she’d groggily respond “Yes?” and I’d say “There is a rhinoceros in the room” and she’d respond the same way… EVERY TIME… saying “What?” followed by a pause while her senses caught up to her and then she’d slap me gently on the shoulder and exclaim with a laugh, “JIM!”

So yeah… there were many fun, sweet and personal interactions between the two us.  She knew me like a well-read book and I would say the same about me toward her.  As I’ve said before, it was because of our “oneness” that I could still know and respond to her needs even when she stopped audibly communicating during the last few years of her life.

I awoke this morning after a fitful night’s rest and soon after found myself talking to the Lord about the lack of satisfaction that I was feeling and how I knew Him to be the only One to fill that void… in her absence.  But how? 

Well… You know? The Lord is good and didn’t keep me hanging for very long at all!  When I got to my study, I looked over some scripture notations that I had made in a previous Bible study around the word “satisfaction” and opened up my Passion Translation Bible to the first on the list.  Psalm 63:5 describes the Psalmist’s overwhelming enthusiasm when he comes before the Lord saying:

“I overflow with praise when I come before you, for the anointing of your presence satisfies me like nothing else. You are such a rich banquet of pleasure to my soul.” 

As I began to meditate on this verse, I noticed that in order to receive the promises inherent to this section of scripture, I have to go into the presence of the Lord in praise, worship and prayer…  for it is in His presence from which His anointing flows.  And speaking of memories, after that realization, I immediately, in my mind’s eye, slipped back in time many years ago when I was home alone one afternoon while Piper and the kids were off on a homeschool field trip.

I was kind of in a quagmire that afternoon and was needing some inspiration and direction from the Lord for a number of projects that I was working on.  So, since it was just me in the house, I slipped a favorite worship CD into our player in the living room, cranked it up full-blast and began to worship the Lord.  I had put the player on repeat and it continued to play one particular song over and over again.

I’m not too sure how long I spent worshipping the Lord in the living room that day, but after awhile I just sort of got lost in the Lord’s sweet presence and eventually received a wonderful sense of peace as many words of wisdom were spoken to my heart from above. It was a beautiful experience and reminded me today of what it is like to literally enter into and feel the anointing of the Lord within His presence.  And while it does take a little bit of time and effort… the rewards are almost unexplainable!

The other part of our verse from Psalm 63:5 that really spoke to my heart, answered all my questions and set me straight, was the simple reality that “the anointing of His presence” will “satisfy me like nothing else” can!

It was like “duhhh!”  Neither NOTHING nor ANYONE else can bring the same type of satisfaction to my life like Piper did.  What we had together was strictly unique to us.  It was a culmination of 48 years together.  It was the experiences we shared as we literally grew up together from teenagers to senior citizens.  It was her DNA and mine mixing together to form a relationship, a family and a legacy that no other combination can replicate… because every individual, every couple and every family is different… and special in their own right!

So… instead of trying to find a way, a person or an activity to exactly replace what was unique to another… I am suddenly having my eyes opened to the fact that for me, right here and now, God is to be the satisfier of my soul, and that while different… His ways will satisfy me in His own very special way that is totally unique to Him.  So, I will hold the memories that Piper and I had close to my heart and at the same time, learn to equally enjoy the new types and ways of satisfaction that are coming into my life.  These new satisfiers are not necessarily BETTER or WORSE… but just different!  I therefore can’t judge one against the other, but instead, enjoy the new within the realm of their own wonderful ways!

And you know?  That while for me, it was the many sweet memories of my deceased wife that I was wanting to replicate, it may be the same or other people, times and/or experiences in your own life that you may have been tempted to use as the object from which you judge every new event.  But like me… learn to not view your future through the eyes of your past… but enjoy your present and future for the unique and special blessing and/or satisfaction that each new experience presents for you!

Live each new day as “a rich banquet of pleasure to your soul.”