Oops!

I could have sworn that Fiver set his ears back just a little sharper and straightened his upwardly raised tail just a little higher, after the golfer yelled out across the green as we passed by this morning, exclaiming “What a pretty dog, what is she?”  To which I yelled back “He’s an Australian Shepherd/Great Pyrenees mix” and the golfer and his wife reiterated, “She’s a pretty dog!”  And so… yes, he was prancing all the way home.  He’s the only dog that I’ve had that seems to know when you complement him on his looks!

And speaking of looks… I made an “Oops” a couple of days ago.  If the secret be made known… I’ve been dying my beard for the last year or so with the “Touch of Gray” mustache and beard product.  I’ve always enjoyed having a beard, and even better yet, Piper liked me with a beard as well…. But the overall gray look was looking kind of scraggily… so the aid of a little color seemed to help!  I’m sure I’ve told of the times when we’d be leaving my parent’s home and my Mom would give me a hug and then loudly exclaim when my beard brushed against her skin saying, “Oooh Piper!  How can you stand that beard?” To which Piper would smile brightly and say with the same level of enthusiasm and volume, “I like it!”

So, on this last Thursday morning, I applied the black/brown goop and while it set, I decided to shave the back of my neck.  As you might imagine, it is a lot easier to have someone else do it, but my hair grows fast and I can’t always wait for the next haircut!  The only problem though, is the contortions it takes to do the job that Piper always did for me starting at Chico State in 1973!  With the help of a large handheld mirror, shaver and scissors, I finally did a respectable job, but in doing so took a little longer than the timer for the hair dye allowed for.

Long story short… I paid the consequences of keeping it on too long and almost passed out from shock when I looked in the mirror after my shower.  You guessed it!  It was not only too dark, but also a weird shade of blackish, grey with a tint of blue…  So, I took the dog out for his morning walk while I decided what to do. 

In the end, after we returned home (thankfully we didn’t see anyone while on our walk…), I decided to shave the beard with the thought of starting again… but you know?  I kind of liked the change and decided to go beardless for a while.  I mean why not?  A new season of life deserves a new look… right?

I’ve been coming to terms lately with all the dramatic changes that have been going on in my life over the last decade.  Things like, moving to Oklahoma in 2006 to complete a lifelong dream of attending Bible College. Then the questionable decline of Piper’s health during that time and the necessary decision to move back to our home town to get some definitive medical details on Piper’s health, while temporarily forgoing our vision of moving up to Ukiah California start a church after graduation.  And finally, the long journey and totally focused effort of the care of my wife, including all the emotional and interpersonal issues that we had to face in the midst of it all.

Now, since Piper’s move to heaven in the fall of 2018, I have been struggling through the aftershock and attempting to work through it all, while establishing a new home, a new self-identity and an affirming life without her.  I realized somewhat early that I couldn’t simply jump back into my former life that we lived before, only now without her.  Mainly because most of the components of that life weren't there anymore… excepting of course, our four children and their families…. also now in a new location, out of state.

In recent months since my move back to Oklahoma to be near our kids, I have been focusing on re-establishing me!  But even that seemingly simple task has been difficult when one considers that Piper not only occupied a large part of my life… but that in most regards… she WAS my life!  She was a major part of my very identity.

So, here I sit in what is considered to be the heart of the Bible Belt… in fact, Tulsa has been said to be the very center or “buckle” of the Bible Belt!  I come here with a multidimensional resume of both secular and sacred education, training and experience from which I could possibly fit rather well into many applications in the area… but the questions of who, how, what, where and WHO CARES seem to abound in my head and heart!

Each day though, brings greater revelation on these questions and quagmires.  Lately the Lord has been directing me to many of the verses in the New Testament that talk about being humble, patient, faithful and thankful!  Which are… in some respects… all the things that I don’t want to hear.  I want change, I want peace and I want to feel a little bit of happiness and contentment again… and none of those listed items will get me there… Like YESTERDAY!  Anybody out there ever feel like that… or am I the only one?

I was led to a paraphrase of Romans 12:3 in The Message Bible today, that helped to bring some perspective to my somewhat blurry vision of my life right now as well as in my future.  Here Paul sums up his thoughts saying, “The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.” 

My personal translation of that statement in line with my current life reads, “The only accurate way to understand yourself and your new life today, is by knowing who God is and by having an intimate, experiential and very personal, working knowledge of what and/or whom He says that you have and are in Christ… and not by what you think you are, or by what accomplishments you have done for Him and/or for anything and everyone else throughout your life.”

In other words, to put down the resume and “humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time, casting all your anxiety onto Him, for He cares for you. (I Peter 5:5 ASV), while you “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and then all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33) 

Easy right?  Hummmm… we’ll see!

But… while the intended subject of today’s post may center around what’s currently going on in my life, I sense that there may be others who read this who have a situation in their life that might also be a struggle to them as well…  If that’s you…then it might be helpful to study these scriptures and spiritual counsel.  Just saying!

I hope you are having just as great a weekend as I am.  Our weather is absolutely gorgeous and am taking full advantage of it.  And while you’re out there… just keep remembering to expect God’s best… and then share it with someone else!