Do You Need Tobacco?

So… I got stumped yesterday!  I was standing in line at cashier station number 7 at my local Super Walmart, quietly minding my own business and praying that management would notice the long line and the obvious absence of other cashiers anywhere in sight… when I noticed a front-end supervisor coming my way.  Suddenly she stopped, looked me in the face and called out, “Sir, do you need tobacco?”

And I have to tell you… I kinda stood there for a prolonged moment trying to figure out if I had heard her correctly and finally blurted out “Ah… No!”  Then she pointed to the empty station next to me and said, “I can help you over here!”  When I caught up to her, I hesitantly said… “You know?  I don’t think that I’ve ever been asked that question before!”  And she just laughed, looked at me like I was a bit strange and then asked me how I was doing and if I had found everything I was looking for.

As I unloaded my cart, I figured out a couple of things that helped me to make sense of what had just occurred.  First, I realized that the line that I had been in was the only station where they sold cigarettes and other tobacco products.  And secondly, I had to remind myself that this is Oklahoma and not California. 

I’ve noticed through local radio and TV advertisements, that Oklahoma is about 20 years behind California when it comes to discovering the adverse effects of regular tobacco use.  They are just now producing the kinds of anti-smoking ads that I recall seeing in the late eighties and early nineties in California.  So, my point being that smoking and tobacco use here, is still a normal part of life.

That incident yesterday morning got me to thinking about how a person can become so comfortable in a certain life style and then get totally stumped when exposed or suddenly switched into another one that differs from that which they are used to… exactly like what has happened to me over the last couple of years!

The little picture that I came across the other day of a young Piper and I, taken soon after our marriage began, really shook me up in a lot of ways.*  Some positive… some not as much!

Positively speaking, it helped me to have a vivid representation of just how much that little gal loved and cared for me, of the fun and spirited times we had through the years together and just how deeply we knew each other.  I got to thinking that it was like the Lord had spent the first 37 years of our relationship putting together all the intricately placed nuts and bolts of our union… in order for us to successfully complete the last eleven years.

It used to confuse and frustrate me when I began making some of the tough decisions for her care in the beginning years after her initial diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, when extended family members would question every move I made and many times say, in not the friendliest manner, “Well, what does Piper think about that?”  After a while I finally realized that they had no idea of the extreme oneness that existed between us.

When one understands that Piper basically lost the ability to speak for the last six to seven years of her life… I am thankful that I knew her so intimately that I could read the other signs in her facial expressions, her eyes and over-all body language in order to quickly and correctly meet her needs… per say, to know what ever she needed or desired when different situations arose.  And you know… I knew that she knew it as well… I could see that same look in her eyes in those last years as I did in that picture taken in our early years together!  Isn’t God Good!

On the negative side, that picture drove home the obvious point that EVERYTHING in my world has changed with her promotion to heaven.  So, everyday when I get up and go to bed… I am faced with the decision to give up and simply do nothing, and in effect, let life go by… or to go forward and keep on living… the life that is still to be written for me. The continuing personal history and story of Jim Berruto that our heavenly Father wants to complete. (See: Ephesians 1:10)

I took the dog out for an early morning backyard jaunt at 5:00 AM this morning and then returned to the warmth of the bedroom feeling very restless and out-of-sorts.  As I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed, I suddenly heard that all familiar voice on the inside of me simply saying, “Choose Life!”  And the more I prayed, the more I heard those two words repeated over and over again… “Choose Life!”  I finally climbed back into bed, but couldn’t seem to shake those words, so I asked the Lord what He meant and found myself drifting off to sleep with the command to “Choose Life!” continually forming on my lips.

I awoke about an hour and a half later with those two words still on my lips, so I made a fresh pot of coffee, went into my study and turned in my Bible to Deuteronomy 30:19.  Here Moses is giving his last words of wisdom to the Children of Israel before they crossed over into the Promised Land.  He encouraged them by boldly declaring, “I am now giving you the choice between life and death, between God's blessing and the curse, and I call heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Choose life.” (The Good News Bible)

I’ve always loved this portion of scripture as God gives us a choice… and then tells us the right one to make.  It is like taking a test in school and finding out that the answers are on the back page!

As for me… I’m choosing to take God’s suggestion and to “Choose Life!”  But to be perfectly honest… I don’t really know what that all means to me right now, right here for this new chapter of my life.  Lately I’ve been learning though, that it means looking at things from a little different perspective or outlook on life.  To observe things with fresh new eyes.

And I believe that the Lord is encouraging me “to put on the apron of humility, to serve others; for the scripture says, ‘God resists the proud, but shows favor to the humble.’  To humble myself, then, under God's mighty hand, so that he will lift me up in his own good time…. And above all, to leave all my worries with him, because he cares for (and about) me.” (I Peter 5:5-7 GNB) 

I was just thinking on Fiver’s and my afternoon walk to the neighborhood park and pond, that the one thing that immediately clicked for Piper and I, way back in high school and continued for the next 48 years, was that we always felt free to be ourselves when in each other’s company.  There was never a need to put on a show, to try and impress the other one or to be anything but totally honest with each other… I’m thinking that this is something that should also be a guiding light for me as I endeavor to re-socialize myself within a new church, making new friends and establishing a fresh new life out here.

I may not have my wonderful Piper at my side… but I am still the same guy today as I was with her for the first 48 years of my adulthood.  And I have a very personal relationship with someone else who hasn’t changed either, for the scripture also tells me that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8 – God’s Word ©) 

I can now see how it could be very easy for someone like me who has lost the one who was the focal point of their life, to simply give up and slowly fade away.  But… that would be too easy… and that’s not me!

So… as I found out yesterday… I definitely don’t need TOBACCO… but I definitely do need to do and see things in my life differently… therefore…

I "Choose Life…" what do you choose?

 

*See my blog posts from 2/27/21 and 3/1/21…