Eagerly Seeking...

I realized as I walked up to the Super Walmart near my apartment early yesterday afternoon that I was exhausted!  Well, that thought kind of set me off… what am I exhausted about?  I had awoken with another headache and a slight tinge of nauseousness.  I mean… what’s that all about?  

Then as I stepped up to the sliding door, I heard this little voice from deep inside me saying, “You’re still getting over the 8 years of non-stop physical, emotional and spiritual energy that you exerted 24/7 in taking care of your wife…”  Well, that kind of made sense and with a “humph” I smiled and walked through the door that magically opened before me in order to get the supplies that I was hoping to purchase there.  The headache finally left a few hours later and I enjoyed (sort of) a quiet and uneventful day.

Today I was reading from Philippians 3:14-15 where the Apostle Paul declares, “Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (KJV)

The phrases “I follow after” in verse 12 and “I press toward the mark…” in verse 14 caught my attention, especially when I looked up their original Greek meanings.  After noticing their similar definitions, it dawned upon my lightening quick mind that they were actually the same Greek word, with the last description from Thayer’s Greek Definitions being, “to seek after eagerly.”

The thought of my mini-conversation with the Lord on the way into Walmart yesterday came back to my mind when I meditated on the idea of seeking eagerly after the guidance and directions of the Lord.  I agreed that my days in caring for my sweetheart of a wife for all those years was definitely not an easy task on my body, soul and spirit.  And there were times where I had to pray for strength in all three of those areas, but I would push through and pray and then move on… Let’s face it, it’s not like I could stop!  She needed me and it was my job to love her and care for her every need.  In fact, I found myself thanking the Lord earlier in the day yesterday in that HE (as well as Piper) saw me as being able, dependable and trustworthy enough to care for her in her deepest time of need.

I also had the revelation that for a guy that’s fought self-confidence issues his entire life… that I NEVER had one ounce of a doubt that I could do whatever was necessary for my Piper!  I was eager to succeed for her benefit.  I was focused, established and deeply rooted in my faith… and when times got tough and then even tougher, I would pick myself back up with an abundance of thanksgiving. (See Paul’s comments about this in Colossians 2:6-7)

The one place my personal preparations were lacking in though… as I naively came to discover… was in the reactions of others.  That’s where the ability “to seek after eagerly” comes into play.  When that first medical diagnosis of her condition came to light, we were both eager to seek after and follow God’s Biblically stated plan for her need.  We were excited to see Him take the lead and chose to follow His directions in the Word and by the Spirit (with the understanding that they will always agree!).

But not everyone had the same eagerness as we did… and that’s where the problems began to sneak in!  I’ll talk a little more on this angle in Wednesday blog, but for today I just want to hone in on the thought of eagerly seeking after God. 

At that first diagnosis there was NO question.  We KNEW that He was our only answer… and our only hope.  So for us, it was a no-brainer.  We were eager to discover and follow His plan.  I found it extremely confusing and displeasing when I discovered that not everyone had that same eagerness though.  It was that eagerness that got me up in the morning and helped me to sleep (fitfully many a night… but a semblance of sleep never-the-less).

It was that eagerness and expectation of His best working in, for and through us that kept me going… and now… it’s the power that keeps me moving on and gives me an excitement for what’s ahead!

How about you?  Are you eagerly seeking Him and His ways throughout the tough and the easy times in your life?  Think about it… Have a good week, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting to continue to eagerly seek the will of God for me!”

PS:  I am slowly coming to the realization that although I am eager to seek God… that I am not superman and may need to slow down just a bit and allow my body, mind and emotions to catch up while HE slowly unfolds His next steps for me!