Go! Go! Go!

“Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.”  Psalm 20:7

I came across this verse as I was doing a scripture reference search this morning, for the phrase “trust in Lord.”  It immediately caught my eye and I had to sit back in my chair at the dining room table and consider the strong affect that this particular truth had on Piper’s and my life throughout the 48 years of our relationship… and especially during the last eight years of her life as we fought in the trenches of Alzheimer’s.

I can honestly say that this is what tended to set us apart from many others and in particular, with those who disagreed with many of the decisions we made in our life.  In the long run though, it was the power that gave us our determination and carried us through to success in our stand of faith… while our detractor’s chosen course eventually caused them to drift away from us.  The decision to continually trust in the Lord is also the power that is giving me the fortitude to move forward into new and unchartered waters… at least as far as I’m concerned!

Now that many of the pressing details of moving, getting somewhat settled and taking care of most of the paperwork and details that are required when taking up residence in a new state are somewhat complete, I’m suddenly finding myself catching up on my life that was sort of put on hold for eight years while I cared for my sweetheart.  I’ve also discovered some health needs that have surfaced since I’ve actually had some time to breathe and relax a bit!

If you know me though, then you know that I don’t really like to sit back and do nothing!  But my body is telling me to do just that!  The battle I face today is that when you’re used to “Go! Go! Go!” it is not easy to “Slow Down, Rest and Relax!”  Anybody out there know what I am saying here?

I was talking to my older son yesterday and realized that I haven’t had a burning desire to go camping like I do now for MANY years!  I looked at trailers a month or so ago with our youngest daughter’s family and more recently spent a good hour last Sunday looking online at light weight trailers and mid-sized four wheel-drive pickups!  Someone told me that in order to live in Oklahoma, one MUST own a pickup!

It is especially nice for me to be free to dream again!  I enjoyed watching my daughter and her husband as they walked through the outdoor RV showroom with smiles on their faces while they talked about future plans, dreamed without restraint and flowed within their mutual trust in the name of the Lord.  Their actions brought a tear to my eye as it reminded me of another couple, I used to be a part of!

So yes, the future looks bright… different than originally expected… but bright never-the-less!  I just have to keep telling myself that “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”  It’s going to happen one step at a time and I just need to be patient, slow down and allow time for my body to re-adjust… and I pretty sure that the reoccurring headaches (like I haven’t had in years) are reminding me of that fact!

I hope you all have a great rest of the week, and as you do, keep saying with me… “I am expecting to trust in HIS name, relax while I do it and continue to follow HIS steps for this time in my life!”

Coming Out of the Wilderness...

I attended worship services yesterday with our youngest daughter and her family at their church here in Broken Arrow.  It’s a much smaller church than where I have been attending at Rhema and it reminded me in many ways, of our last church in California.  The people were very outgoing and friendly and immediately made me feel at home!  I made contact with the gentleman who is in charge of the Men’s ministry and am planning to attend the next Men’s Breakfast fellowship in a couple of weeks at a restaurant just down the street from my apartment home.  So… we’ll see!

I’ve been doing a lot of praying and soul-searching over the last couple of weeks and am very eager to hook up to the right place as I begin this next chapter of life.  Everything is SO new to me nowadays!  Nothing is like it was… nor will it ever be again.

As I stood in my bedroom unbuttoning my shirt after returning home from church, I looked up with a tinge of sadness at the pictures of my lovely Piper on the wall.  At that moment I felt a little confused and told the Lord again, that I just feel so empty and purposeless right now.  For someone who has always been purpose driven with a vast array of dreams and plans for both my present and future… I’m living in a state of limbo at this point in my life!

But as I was reading before turning off the light last night, I had a sudden surge of hope as the author talked about past revivals in the church and then looked ahead to a coming move of God in the near future.  He described the times between the revivals when dedicated Christians prayed, sometimes for years, before things came forth in the physical realm.

And with that thought, I found myself excitedly exploring the idea that maybe… just maybe… I am in that place… a wilderness of sorts… just before God’s plans and purposes for me explode and life goes forth once again like I’d never imagined it could!

Could there be something on the horizon that is spectacularly above and beyond what my limited senses cannot fathom right now?  I have found myself over these last ten plus months since Piper moved to heaven, crying out like David did in Palm 63:1 “when he was in the wilderness of Judah. (saying) O God, you are my God. At dawn I search for you. My soul thirsts for you. My body longs for you in a dry, parched land where there is no water.” (God’s Word ©) 

But, strangely enough, I haven’t felt totally alone or totally without an inner sense of expectation.  I’ve felt like the children of Israel when God “led his own people out like sheep and guided them like a flock through the wilderness.   (When He) led them safely. (And) They had no fear while the sea covered their enemies.  (For) He brought them into his holy land, to this mountain that his power had won.” 

Am I near that mountain that His power is winning for me?  Is my life about to take a turn for the positive?  Well… I wouldn’t put it past Him!  Would you in your life?

I remember the times in 2008 when Piper and I were helping with the Children’s ministry while attending Rhema.  Piper could still function on her own, but was experiencing a growing inability to respond to the quick changes that regularly occur during the kid’s services.  There were many times when I would have to take her hand and gently lead her.  That’s what I feel the Lord doing for me right now!

But I’ve been told that I am a “PLODDER!”  That once I set my mind on something, that I just keep plodding on until I get the answer that I’ve been seeking!  I like to think of myself as being “DETERMINED” and more in line to what the Lord told Joshua when he was suddenly put into a brand-new place and position in life as described in Joshua 1:9 when the Lord encouraged him by saying “Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the LORD your God, am with you wherever you go." (GNB)

So… do I have any idea of what’s going on or where I’m going… NO!  But it is NOT going to stop me from continuing to SEEK Him, to LISTEN for His voice and then to DO what He tells me to do!  Although some major things have dramatically changed in my life… other things have not and I’ll continue to follow the steps that Piper and I followed in the previous 48 years!  How about you?

Have a great new week, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting the unexpected in my life to turn out EXACTLY as God has planned for me!”

Burning Within... or The Red Chair!

We have had some very enjoyable weather here in Oklahoma over the last week or so.  And as I sat on our balcony enjoying the coolness of the early morning today, I couldn’t help but look over to the empty red patio chair next to me.  I couldn’t help but imagine the gleeful, peaceful and content look in the eyes of the gal who used to sit next to me on the various patios of the lodges we stayed at over the years during our mini-holidays on the northern California coast.

It was a look that was present from the moment we got up until we retired for the evening against the backdrop of the Pacific Ocean and the mesmerizing sound of the waves crashing up against the rocky shoreline.  I could literally see the visible changes in her countenance within moments of our walking into our room during those special times.  The peace and contentment of God in her life would flow over her as she released the built-up pressures and tensions of all her responsibilities as wife, mom, homeschool teacher, and minister of the Gospel at my side.

Piper was very passionate about and therefore very focused on those responsibilities and at times would tend to forget to take a moment or two during the day to relax in the midst of the whirl of activities that seemed to be a constant at our home.  I don’t think that most people outside the world of homeschooling understand nor appreciate all the work, pressure, organization, research and non-stop planning that fills the life of a homeschool mom!  But that was Piper’s world… and she loved every minute of it.

Those mini-vacations or “holidays” as we came to term them gave her… or maybe better said, forced her to relax, refuel and just be that special gal for whom I could devote 100% of my attention to for those 2-night adventures alone, away from the cares and responsibilities of the rest of our world.

As was usual for us during these times away, we would have our morning Bible study together at the small table in the room or on the outside patio (weather conditions permitting), get re-fired and excited about the Word and then, using it as our continual guide, dream and plan about our future adventures in the faith.

Scriptures like Dr. Luke wrote in his gospel in chapter 24 verse 32 would perfectly describe our own excitement as God opened up the meaning of His Word to us.  In relating the experience that two of Jesus’ disciples had with Him along the road to Emmaus, “the beloved physician” (See: Colossians 4:14) penned, “They said to each other, ‘Weren't we excited when he talked with us on the road and opened up the meaning of the Scriptures for us?’"  The King James Version expresses their reaction as, “Did not our heart burn within us…”

I couldn’t find any better description of what Piper and I felt along with these two disciples than what the English Baptist Pastor and Biblical scholar John Gill wrote  between 1743-1763 in his “Exposition of the Gospel” saying: “as they travelled together; …his words came with such evidence, power, and sweetness, that they were ravished with them; their minds were irradiated with beams and rays of divine light; their hearts were warmed and glowed within them; they became fervent in spirit, and their affections were raised and fired; they found the word to be as burning fire within them; and they now knew somewhat what it was to be baptized with fire, which is Christ's peculiar office to administer;”

Piper and I would return home from our mini-holidays together hopelessly in love, with our hearts and spirits aglow as with a burning fire from our time spent with the Lord and with an excitement to forge ahead with whatever the Father, Son and Holy Ghost called on us to accomplish in the days, months and years ahead!

When’s the last time you felt that same force of excitement building up in you?  Does something tingle inside of you when you read about the adventures of those who walked with Jesus in Bible times… or are they to you, just old stories told to the kids in Children Church or in Catechism classes?  What might you need to re-kindle that burning fire within you?  Maybe it’s a mini-holiday to some special place around you?  Maybe it’s going to church this Sunday… or maybe its just a quiet moment or two alone with your Bible on your patio or balcony?

Any of those sound good to me… how about you?

Have a wonderful weekend, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting my heart to begin to burn with the excitement that can only come from time spent with HIM in His Word… today!”

Excitement!

“They said to each other, "Weren't we excited when he talked with us on the road and opened up the meaning of the Scriptures for us?"  Luke 24:32 – God’s Word ©

For as long as I can remember back to the early 1970’s, I have been one to confess the truth and power of the scriptures over me and my loved ones.  I was opening up the blinds in my bedroom just a few minutes ago and found myself verbally declaring Psalm 91:10 saying that “No evil shall befall me, my wife and…”

…and I caught myself with a stutter and a giggle, paused and looked across the room to the collage of pictures of Piper that I had put up on the wall soon after moving in last month, and stated “Yeah right… You’re in the place where no evil shall ever again be able to come against you!”  And you know… that excites me.  Her being in heaven, totally set free and delivered from the debilitating effects of the Alzheimer’s that devasted her body and brain functions… EXCITES me!

Everything we believed for… every scripture we spoke out over the years has come to pass.  Sure, I incredibly miss her, long for her and still experience emotional breakdowns, like Saturday night when I was taking Fiver out for his final exercise before bedtime.  We walked right up to the door of an apartment a floor down from ours just as they were taking out oxygen tanks and other very familiar pieces of emergency and hospice care equipment.  A short conversation with the technician confirmed what I already sensed… that they had lost a patient… someone’s Grandma to be exact.  After the quick walk that night, we reentered our apartment and I immediately fell to my knees in tears as Piper’s entire story came vividly back to my memory.

So yeah, I still hurt ‘cause I miss her so much… but on the other hand, I am excited to know where she now abides with Jesus in the place of everlasting praise, joy and peace.  I am excited because the Piper I always knew is simply continuing to live the joy of the Lord in her eternal home.  I was thinking this morning that the joy Piper had when we first met in high school went way beyond the joy I had.  My joy, in those early days, was a natural joy, while hers I would soon come to find out, was super-natural!

She possessed an excitement about God and His Word that never waned throughout her entire life.  Even when she could no longer verbally communicate, that joy was quite evident in her smile, in the crinkle around her eyes and in the brightness of her sweet brown eyes.  Not everybody saw that excitement and joy in her as her illness progressed though.  It seemed to me that these individuals were blinded to the glow that continued to envelope my wife.

The common denominator that I discovered in these various folks was that they either had lost their excitement in God and His Word… or never possessed it in the first place.  I expected this reaction in some folks and was surprised when it came forth in others.

The excitement that the disciples expressed after walking down the road with Jesus in Luke 24:32 and hearing the way in which He opened up the meaning to the scriptures to them excites me!  How about you?  We came to see through the actions of others around us, that when the excitement for God and His Word begins to wane… faith leaves and fear walks in the door.

I’m not sure as I think about it today, what affected us the most… The effect their lack of excitement and void of faith had on us… or seeing the negative effect it had on them.  To put it simply… it was not a pretty sight!

This last week or so has been the toughest for me for the short extent of time that I’ve been here in Oklahoma.  But yesterday as I was reading the Word and praying, I heard that familiar small still voice on the inside of me… combined with the echo of another VERY familiar voice which sounded a lot like Piper’s… telling me that I needed to refresh and stir up my level of excitement in God and His Word.  And at that point, all I could visualize was that bright, cheery and encouraging smile of the gal that completely captured my heart so many years ago.

And again… I was hooked.  Piper’s joy was fully based on the FACT that she REALLY believed the Word of God in and for ANY situation in her life… all the way through her last day in September of 2018.  I knew then that it was always GOOD ENOUGH for her… and that it was and WILL CONTINUE to be good enough for me… no matter what my future may hold!

So again, I ask… Are you EXCITED about God and His Word?  Do you feel that uncanny sense of excitement inside when you hear the Word being taught or when you open up your Bible in the quietness of your own home and read it?  Like I said earlier, I’ve seen what happens to folks when they lose that excitement and it is NO FUN for them or for those around them as well!

Have a great rest of the week, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting my excitement for God and His Word to increase in me every time I hear it taught or read it in my Bible!”

Eagerly Seeking...

I realized as I walked up to the Super Walmart near my apartment early yesterday afternoon that I was exhausted!  Well, that thought kind of set me off… what am I exhausted about?  I had awoken with another headache and a slight tinge of nauseousness.  I mean… what’s that all about?  

Then as I stepped up to the sliding door, I heard this little voice from deep inside me saying, “You’re still getting over the 8 years of non-stop physical, emotional and spiritual energy that you exerted 24/7 in taking care of your wife…”  Well, that kind of made sense and with a “humph” I smiled and walked through the door that magically opened before me in order to get the supplies that I was hoping to purchase there.  The headache finally left a few hours later and I enjoyed (sort of) a quiet and uneventful day.

Today I was reading from Philippians 3:14-15 where the Apostle Paul declares, “Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (KJV)

The phrases “I follow after” in verse 12 and “I press toward the mark…” in verse 14 caught my attention, especially when I looked up their original Greek meanings.  After noticing their similar definitions, it dawned upon my lightening quick mind that they were actually the same Greek word, with the last description from Thayer’s Greek Definitions being, “to seek after eagerly.”

The thought of my mini-conversation with the Lord on the way into Walmart yesterday came back to my mind when I meditated on the idea of seeking eagerly after the guidance and directions of the Lord.  I agreed that my days in caring for my sweetheart of a wife for all those years was definitely not an easy task on my body, soul and spirit.  And there were times where I had to pray for strength in all three of those areas, but I would push through and pray and then move on… Let’s face it, it’s not like I could stop!  She needed me and it was my job to love her and care for her every need.  In fact, I found myself thanking the Lord earlier in the day yesterday in that HE (as well as Piper) saw me as being able, dependable and trustworthy enough to care for her in her deepest time of need.

I also had the revelation that for a guy that’s fought self-confidence issues his entire life… that I NEVER had one ounce of a doubt that I could do whatever was necessary for my Piper!  I was eager to succeed for her benefit.  I was focused, established and deeply rooted in my faith… and when times got tough and then even tougher, I would pick myself back up with an abundance of thanksgiving. (See Paul’s comments about this in Colossians 2:6-7)

The one place my personal preparations were lacking in though… as I naively came to discover… was in the reactions of others.  That’s where the ability “to seek after eagerly” comes into play.  When that first medical diagnosis of her condition came to light, we were both eager to seek after and follow God’s Biblically stated plan for her need.  We were excited to see Him take the lead and chose to follow His directions in the Word and by the Spirit (with the understanding that they will always agree!).

But not everyone had the same eagerness as we did… and that’s where the problems began to sneak in!  I’ll talk a little more on this angle in Wednesday blog, but for today I just want to hone in on the thought of eagerly seeking after God. 

At that first diagnosis there was NO question.  We KNEW that He was our only answer… and our only hope.  So for us, it was a no-brainer.  We were eager to discover and follow His plan.  I found it extremely confusing and displeasing when I discovered that not everyone had that same eagerness though.  It was that eagerness that got me up in the morning and helped me to sleep (fitfully many a night… but a semblance of sleep never-the-less).

It was that eagerness and expectation of His best working in, for and through us that kept me going… and now… it’s the power that keeps me moving on and gives me an excitement for what’s ahead!

How about you?  Are you eagerly seeking Him and His ways throughout the tough and the easy times in your life?  Think about it… Have a good week, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting to continue to eagerly seek the will of God for me!”

PS:  I am slowly coming to the realization that although I am eager to seek God… that I am not superman and may need to slow down just a bit and allow my body, mind and emotions to catch up while HE slowly unfolds His next steps for me!

Press On!

For some reason, I was thinking in the shower this morning, that my wife and I were never ones to let the grass grow under our feet… especially when it came to our faith walk.  I believe that this was one of the aspects of our lives that differentiated us from others in our extended families… on both sides.  But I also believe that it was partially because God had placed in us… individually and then together… a pioneering spirit.

Like I’ve stated many times, we’d never been one’s to be armchair quarterbacks or sit quietly in the crowd when it came to the things of God.  While others may have drifted towards a more stationary lifestyle as they progressed in life, we tended to look for new adventures within the kingdom off God. 

Yesterday was one of those days when I needed to not stay stationary with the way things were being dealt out to me, but felt the need to PRESS ON toward whatever goals the Lord had for me that day and in this new chapter of my life as well.   I finally received a certified copy of my birth certificate from the County Clerks office in our home county back in California earlier in the week and packed it and all the other ID’s and paperwork I needed to transfer my Driver’s License and headed off to the local DMV just a few blocks away in the historic downtown area of Broken Arrow.

I had been there a few days previously but the place was packed and had decided to give it a much earlier start which was happening yesterday.  I had also checked out the website on multiple occasions and could not find a place to make an appointment.  So, in I went and faced a packed room with less than stellar air conditioning.  After punching the start button on the self-sign-in kiosk, the first question that popped up was: “Do you have an appointment?” 

This day was going south at a rapid pace as I already had a headache and the stale, hot air in the room wasn’t helping… so… I praised the Lord, put on my happy face and pushed the “No” button.  Then it asked me what I was there for and spit out a receipt with a long number printed on it, along with the instructions to have a seat and they would call me in turn.  When I slumped down into one of only a few empty seats, I read the rest of the information on the receipt and It stated that they could not guarantee that they would even be able to service my needs that day without a reservation… okay… maybe my happy face began to fad a bit… then the gal sitting next to me shared that she’d already been there since the place opened almost 2 hours ago and there were multiple people ahead of her…

I found myself in my car a few moments later, enjoying the air conditioner and doing my best to keep the words that were coming from my mouth to be encouraging in their nature!  Once home, I switched projects, swallowed a few Excedrin’s and called the Oklahoma office of my health insurance company.  Well… let’s just say that this experience wasn’t much better than the results at the DMV.  I won’t go into the whole story but they don’t offer the same plans they did in North Carolina, told me what they did offer and I replied with a word of thanks and informed them that I’d let them know… Then I called Medicare and as told the wait would be… way too long than I was willing to wait at that time! 

So, I retreated to one of the La-Z-Boy recliners near the front windows with my journal, Bible, Bible study notebook and the current Christian teaching book I am reading.  By that time, I REALLY wasn’t a happy camper, but was also determined to push on to receive God’s best for me that day!  Therefore, the reading, praying, note-taking and a short nap helped immensely!  

Philippians 4:13 instructs us to “press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (KJV)  I NEEDED to stop the spiral I was falling into and make the effort to reach for that prize at that moment in my day.  I NEEDED to press through the headache, the disappointment, the frustration and a tinge of anger at the way things had unfolded that morning.  It definitely wasn’t what I was expecting!

So, I turned the table on the negative events by turning to God and His Word!  Genius heh?  Not really… it’s just what we Christians are supposed to do… but many times tend to forget in the midst of the turbulence!  But you know?  When we FINALLY do it and submit to His will… it works!  Things change for the better in our behalf!  I received a call a little while later from my daughter who, along with our granddaughter, were coming over to help me look at housing and neighborhoods in one the smaller, more rural towns nearby.

Well, being with them helped to turn my frown around… and we also found some promising prospects for my new home in Oklahoma!  I had been looking at neighborhoods around Broken Arrow and wasn’t finding homes that excited me within my price range.  But the rural areas that we looked at yesterday reminded me of our location in NC (minus the tall pines and mountains, but pretty in their own mid-America regard…) with the quiet surroundings, less traffic and lots of greenery and open fields.

By the time we returned to my apartment, enjoyed some ice-cream and watched Sarah water paint… I was past the yuck of the morning, had tuned into family fun and was happily encouraged by the various neighborhoods we looked at.  So, who says your day that starts off less than promising has to stay that way?  All it takes is a little bit of faith, a little bit of energy… okay… maybe more than just a little… and the desire to push through the yuck and PRESS into the goodness and faithfulness of God.  And once again… I couldn’t help but exclaim the familiar statement that my kids grew up with as Piper and I moved from one faith adventure to another, saying: “This stuff REALLY works!”

Have a wonderful weekend as you PRESS ON into the encouraging Word of God for your life!  I’ve got some research planned on different Real Estate websites for the properties we viewed yesterday… so as I am getting excited about finding out what God has for me out here, say along with me… “I am expecting to find God’s best for me, right now and right here!”

The Rudder...

I spent the greater majority of yesterday afternoon shopping with my youngest daughter and granddaughter.  We visited Costco, then Sprouts which reminded me of an upscale Trader Joe’s, and then ended up at the Super Walmart in the neighboring town of Bixby.  Bixby is actually one of the towns I’ve been interested in checking out as far as my house hunting goes.  I used to drive by the town on a regular basis on the way to work when we lived here before and had mentioned to Piper that if we ever did live here (which I NEVER thought would happen!) that I wouldn’t mind living in Bixby!  But alas, it’s changed a bit in the last ten years and the traffic was heavier than I remember it to be…. So, we’ll see!

We had a fun time compete with much meaningful conversation.  You know?  JoAnna may be our youngest, but she sure has a good head on her shoulders and gave me some good advice which I continue to ponder this morning!  I am learning that there are many times for parents to shift gears and take serious note of the information that their adult kids are sharing!  I’ll discuss our conversation more in the weeks to come…

But even with the good and fulfilling time that I had yesterday, I found that I still awoke this morning with that all-too-familiar feeling of emptiness that came on board the day that Piper went home to be with Jesus.  I mulled over all this again as I sat on my balcony in the quiet of the warm and breezy morning, almost two hours ago now.  I was armed with my “Piper’s Story” journal and my favorite God’s Word © translation Bible on my lap along with my old but very familiar and well highlighted and underlined Ryrie NASB Study Bible that I purchased in the early 1980’s, sitting on the little metal table next to me.

I was scribing down my thoughts in the journal and comparing my empty feelings to that of being in a boat, adrift without a rudder… When suddenly I had the revelation come to me that I wasn’t rudderless, but was, in fact, equipped with the same rudder in my boat that I have had since I got to know Jesus in the 1970’s!  The difference now though, was that I was needing to readjust the weight distribution of the boat since my almost life-long shipmate was now longer in the boat with me.

I’m not sure why, but that truth stuck me pretty strongly… but it also relieved a lot of the pressure that has been building up in me over the last ten months.  It was then that I had to smile as I understood that I am still in the same boat with Jesus and His Word continuing in their position as the ones guiding the ship of my life. 

My job as the pilot or captain of my ship hasn’t changed either.  James 3:4 tells us that “A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds.”  As the Captain of my ship, I am still responsible to keep my hand on the rudder, read the signs of the seas around me and stay true to the course that the sextant of God’s Word is giving me. 

That conversation on the balcony this morning reminded me of a sermon that I recently found a cassette copy of, that Piper gave to the church on a Wednesday night in September of 1999.  She was comparing our faith walk to her newly created game of “Faith Ball” that had many similarities to the American sport of football.  In describing the various positions on the “Faith Ball” team, she explained how the quarterback spot is the one that we hold in the game of life.  I must admit that at first, I was a little taken back and found myself disagreeing with her analysis!  But the more I listened to her way of thinking, I had to change my mind… so what else is new, right?

She explained how the quarterback takes his or her directions from the coach… who would be Jesus in our game of life… but always has the option of calling an audible change to the play depending on what he or she sees that the defense is going to do.  That’s just like the free-will that God has given to us in this life.  We have the freedom to make the choice to follow His plan or to change it when things don’t look like they are going to work.

As the captain or pilot of my boat, I have the choice to keep the rudder pointed in the direction the Lord and His Word are giving me, or to take a chance and switch direction in order to do what I think is a better course of action.  I have the free-will to make that decision… or mistake as some might term it!

So, as far as my life goes… sure my favorite and constant shipmate is no longer sitting next to me in our boat… but I am still there… and more importantly, the rudder is still in the same position, continuing to lead me along HIS course of life for me!  And sure, while I need to readjust my position in the boat… I am NOT planning on removing my hand from the rudder or to deviate from the life-course that He is now setting for me to follow!

How about you?

Have a great rest of the week, and as you do, continue to say with me… “I am expecting to keep my hand on the rudder of my boat and follow the direction HE is pointing me in!”

Fine Tuning

I am happy to say that I made it through last Friday with flying colors!  The day that celebrated what would have been my wife’s and my 44^th Wedding Anniversary went well although, it didn’t unfold quite as I figured it would.  With Piper’s passing only ten months previous, the feelings and emotions of her loss are still pretty raw… but on Friday I felt… well… I felt nothing!  It’s not even like I was in a fog all day.  I just seemed to have no feeling at all.

I had lunch with our youngest daughter and her family, spent most of the afternoon with them and then went to dinner at an authentic Irish restaurant named Kilkenny’s in the Cherry Street district in mid-town Tulsa.  It’s a fun and busy area filled with great restaurants, antique shops, quirky businesses, unique bookstores and many examples of old Tulsa architecture.

The restaurant had a wonderful, old-world atmosphere, had great food and service, was crowded, dimly lit and a bit noisy… and I loved every moment of it!  It was the perfect remedy for what I was going through.  Throughout the night I couldn’t help but think about my favorite date and the many times throughout the years that we went out to dinner together.  Most times we went alone as we seemed to really relish each other’s company away from the hustle and bustle of our daily life!

When the congregation stood on Sunday morning in order to offer our tithes and offerings unto the Lord and make our giving confession, I couldn’t help but to think again about the one that normally stood at my side at the myriad of church services we attended together.  When it came to giving, Piper seemed to light up like a candle.  Our home church followed the same tradition of holding our offerings up to the Lord while making our confession and I couldn’t help but recall when Piper and I would hold up our giving envelope and pray over our financial gift.

I saw that glow in her eyes that radiated the faith in her heart.  She loved to give and believed with every fiber in her being in scriptures like Luke 6:38 where Jesus said to “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom…” (KJV) or Malachi 3:10 where the prophet declares "Bring one-tenth of your income into the storehouse so that there may be food in my house. Test me in this way," says the LORD of Armies. "See if I won't open the windows of heaven for you and flood you with blessings.” (God’s Word ©) 

I’ve stated repeatedly that she subscribed to a very literal understanding of God’s Word.  What the Lord showed me during the giving of our tithes and offerings yesterday was that she also subscribed to a very practical application of God’s Word in her life.  If He said it and she studied it out and found it to be consistent within the context of where it was written and was backed up through multiple witnesses of other such scriptures in the Bible, she believed it and then went a step further to apply it to her daily life.

A few minutes later as the Pastor began his sermon (don’t you just love it when the Lord takes you down a rabbit trail during the message!), I had the further revelation that Piper didn’t just live Jesus in her life, but that she had fully integrated Him into every part of her life and personal being!  She was never one to find a convenient excuse to approve something that she felt was contrary to what the Word of God taught.

I could see the uncomfortable reaction in her when we sat at the table during family gatherings and some of the participants would mention movies that they had recently viewed that contained questionable scenes or language, or when people said less than complementary things about their spouses.

For her… there was NO question about it…  there were movies we just didn’t see, and words we avoided because they were negative, contrary to what we were believing for or vulgar in nature.  And while she normally didn’t say anything about it to the people as she didn’t want to embarrassment them or make a public spectacle of something, she many times talked with me about it in private.

It was easy to see her sensitivity and oneness with Jesus during those discussions as it didn’t just bother her, I believe it that actually hurt her to see people she loved doing things that might be detrimental to the well-being of their faith and families.  For Piper Berruto, there was no separation between her faith, what the Bible said and every aspect of her entire life.  At that point in the rabbit trail, I began to wonder if I still uphold the same convictions in my life without her...

I am so thankful for God’s rabbit trails like those yesterday during church.  It is in those tender moments that He takes the time to readjust and/or fine tune me!  I always feel better when I am tuned up… how about you?

Is it time for you to have a check up with the Master Mechanic of our lives?  Have a great week.  I’ve got a few more Oklahoma residence matters to take care of this week.  I hope any rabbit trails that the Lord leads you on are easy, instructive and successful.  And as you hike on His trails, say with me… “I am expecting God’s rabbit trails to make it easy for the fine tuning of my life today!”

Happy Anniversary!

Earlier this week I was watching a re-run of a TV series from the early 2000’s that I just re-discovered on our new cable service.  During the episode, two of the characters in the show were getting married.  As the camera came in for a closeup when they were stating their vows to each other, I began to tear up and get very emotional. 

Today would have been Piper’s and my 44^th Wedding Anniversary and needless to say, earlier in the week, it didn’t take a lot to get the tears flowing!  I can remember that moment in our own wedding ceremony like it was yesterday.  Looking into her bright shining and loving brown eyes while we committed our lives to each other at a little after 1:00PM at the First Baptist Church in Santa Rosa, California on that warm afternoon in July of 1975.

They were the same loving eyes that I looked deeply into some 43 years later just a little while before she took her last breath on this earth.  I was intensely touched by strong emotions on the couch during that moving scene this week.  I recalled the unquestionable commitment and great importance that our vows meant to Piper and I.  In blunt terms, that we deeply understood how we sealed the deal and signed a contract that day that we would never break… “In sickness and in health… unto death do we part.”

I was talking with my cousin last night and she was asking if I was able to dig out some of my favorite framed pictures of Piper that were mistakenly placed deep in the bowels of our storage locker when my daughter and I went searching there yesterday.  I had to reply in the negative but also assured her that I still have plenty of pictures of Piper around the apartment.

During the conversation, my cousin asked if Piper ever got annoyed with all the picture taking I did of her over the years.  I had to reply that I believe it was just a part of our relationship that initiated with the photo projects I did beginning with my first photography class in high school.  I never remember her complaining about it and think that she actually enjoyed it as I tended to gush all over her when I posed her for the pictures.  Most of the shots were taken at holiday events or when we would be out alone for the day or on our short two-night escapes to the local coast that we tried to take a couple of times a year.

And as I’ve mentioned before, she was very confident in her own skin, was extremely comfortable and relaxed with my camera pointed at her and most likely was pleased with the attention she received from the guy who was head over heels for her for almost half a century!  That camera in my hand seemed to become another extension of my love for her while her perfect pose and sweet smile was hers to me… It also didn’t hurt that as a professional photographer I was very aware of the importance of quickly snapping the pictures and to keep things moving so that my subject wouldn’t get bored or lose their patience during the photo session.

This morning while enjoying the coolness of the morning breeze on my balcony, I read from Ephesians 1:3 where Paul declared, “Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! (for) Through Christ, God has blessed us with every spiritual blessing that heaven has to offer.” (God's Word ©)  Well, I had to utter a proclamation of praise when I read that and afterwards said to the dog who was sticking his nose through the balcony railing while looking at a neighbor walking their dog below us, “I can sure agree with that Fiver, as God surely gave to me every spiritual and physical blessing when He gave me Piper!”

Then I continued reading in my red leather Bible down to Ephesians 1:10 where it states that our Father God “planned to bring all of history to its goal in Christ…:” (God’s Word ©)  and I again turned to the dog with a happy tear forming in my eye and quietly said that “Piper has reached her goal on this earth… and mine is still to be reached.”

My personal experiences with my God cause me to know that His best is yet to come for me… as well as for each of you who read this post today.  My heart is broken at the passing of God’s greatest blessing in my life.  She is the one who almost single-handedly helped me to become the person I am today and I have nothing but extreme love and thanksgiving for her.  But I also rightly realize that I had a major influence in who she became during her lifetime as well. 

That thought got me to wondering if my life has helped to make other people I’ve known better.  Do my words and actions encourage people or tear them down?  And lastly, if my life has and continues to inspire others.  When it comes to my memories of my loving wife, I can only answer a resounding “YES” as far as her positive influence in the lives of those she touched.

As a lasting legacy of our marriage, I especially today want to honor her by also being a positive influence on those my life has and will continue to touch.  HOW ABOUT YOU?  How would you answer those three questions above?

Have a wonderful weekend, and as you do, say with me... “I am expecting my life to continue to make a positive influence on those I come into contact with on a daily basis!”

Happy Anniversary Honey and may your days in heaven overflow with the joy, goodness and peace that you brought with you everywhere you went during your 65 years on this earth!

Good Enough For Me...

I realize that I am running the risk of sounding like a broken record here… and for those of you too young to know what that antiquated saying means… it is referring to the olden days when some of us used to listen to popular music on 45 or 33 rpm records!  A broken record usually meant one with a scratch across the vinyl so that the needle would get stuck and continually repeat that section of music.

For my discussion this morning, I meant to talk about something that I’ve been writing about that has been popping into my head almost daily since Piper moved her permanent residence to heaven.  Gee… I wonder if she had to go through all the paperwork of legally changing addresses, checking accounts, updating the various insurance plans, getting a new dog license… Hah!  You know… I may not be a genius, but I kinda doubt it!  For her it was a one stop move and none of that worldly accountability is important anymore.  Besides, she’s got better things to occupy her time now!

So… back to my broken record syndrome.  I realized this morning that I am still waking up every day feeling empty.  Then I immediately begin to wonder about what my PURPOSE in life is!  As I have repeated a lot (ie; the broken record…), for the vast majority of my adult life, Piper was a major PURPOSE in my life.  In fact, for the last eight years she WAS the PURPOSE of my life!  And without her… well, things have changed… my difficulty is that I don’t know what the new game plan is.

So, if you go back over my study notes for the last week or more, you’ll notice that there are a bunch of scripture verses that talk about PURPOSE written down.  Proverbs 16:4 tells us that “GOD made everything with a place and purpose…” (The Message)  Most other translations clarify that statement saying that He “has made everything for his own purpose” (God’s Word ©)

Well, that’s great!  But what is His purpose… for me… right here and now?  The one bit of direction I keep hearing from Him is to continue doing what I’ve done in the past.  Lately the Lord’s been showing me many things about the perks of being and staying committed to Him throughout the thick and thins of life.  Like looking at a videotape of an old home movie, He has been showing me various clips of how Piper and I stayed committed to Him and His Word through our stand of faith over the 12 years of her ordeal even when people, places or things tried their best to get us to throw in the towel.

I saw a memory posted on my Facebook page last night of a blog post that I had written one year ago today.  The post bought back the reality of some of the tough times I had gone through in the final months of Piper’s life.  Of times sitting on the floor in the hallway with my head buried in my hands crying out to God for strength to see it through those physically and emotionally demanding times.  That was actually a good memory because it brought back to me the faithfulness of God in the midst of our weakest times.

And while I may not have a clear understanding of His purpose for me right now, I do have a clear picture of His continued faithfulness to me in the midst of another confusing time in my life.  In John 14:28 Jesus told His disciples in reference to His going away, that “the Father is the goal and purpose of my life. (The Message)  So, if that was good enough for Jesus when He was in the midst of a major transition in His life… I guess that it is good enough for me as well!

What do you think?  Would that be good enough for you?  Have a wonderful rest of the week.  We’ve had some pretty hot weather here the last few days but I’m still enjoying it.  I hope you’re enjoying where you are located, and while you’re at it, say with me… “I am expecting God’s faithful purpose for my life to be good enough for me today!”

What a Week!

I was standing at our living room windows last night preparing to close up everything before bed, when I caught the voice of an actor on a TV commercial who was talking about how wonderful it was for him to have someone from a homecare company to care for him in his older years.  And without a moments hesitation I found myself loudly stating “NO WAY!”

Then everything came back to me in a wash of memories and feelings.  I had adamantly promised my wife as the realities of her changing medical condition began to come to light, that she would NEVER be alone, that I would NEVER put her in a home or in the care of strangers and that I would be at her side the WHOLE time.  And you know… I am happy to say that I WAS able to fulfill that promise to her!

But surprisingly, it wasn’t always the easiest thing to do.  Not because of difficulties on my behalf, but because of all the pressure put on by others to get me to go back to work and “get someone to watch her,” or to put her in a home because “she was going to get unmanageable or violent (what a hoot!) as the disease progresses,” or “you need time away from her,” or when people needed my help on some project to “just pay someone to be with her so you can help me!”  I think what bothered me the most, was that to some people, Piper simply became a non-entity when she could no longer verbally communicate and care for herself.

This Friday will mark what would have been our 44^th Wedding Anniversary together.  So needless to say, it’s probably not going to be the easiest week for me!  It kind of started last Wednesday when I went to the UPS store to get a notarized request for a certified copy of my birth certificate.  In the midst of the transaction, the lady helping me asked what brought me to Broken Arrow.  Well, my reaction to her innocent inquiry surprised me as I immediately got choked up, had to pause for a moment and then softly reply that I had lost my wife while living in North Carolina and moved out here to be with our kids.

Then when I went out to the car in the parking lot, I plopped down into the hot seat, closed the door and just sat there in the quiet cabin of the car for a few moments simply staring at the busy road in front of the store while I calmed my confused thoughts, emotions and shaking hands.  Whew!  I haven’t had that happen for a while!  I was reading from Psalm 55:4-5 and it seemed to perfectly capture my experience from the other day saying that, “My insides are turned inside out… I shake with fear, I shudder from head to foot.” (The Message)

That event on the day before the 4^th of July just seemed to open up the door to all kinds of outward emotions over the holiday weekend.  I spent much of last Saturday with my youngest daughter and her family and had a great time.  We went out to brunch at the Waffle House and then spent a few hours looking at new recreational trailers at a local RV showroom. 

It dawned on me at one point as we traversed the outdoor showroom that was packed with trailers, that I sorely miss doing what my daughter and her husband were doing at that moment… freely dreaming together about future possibilities without any reservations put on by physical restraints like the dream-destroying phrase that “We could never afford that!”  My daughter and her husband, like Piper and I before them, have come to know the Word of God that boldly declares to those of us who actively pursue Him and believe His Word that “my God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19 EMTV)

I had to stop once again out there and regroup my thoughts and emotions as I considered how much I miss my Piper, how much I miss holding her little hand that seemed to be expertly crafted by the Almighty to perfectly fit into mine, and couldn't help but reminisce of the joys of dreaming with her.

I was thinking this morning of how empty my heart feels without her and thought of Paul’s words to the church in Philippi when he emotionally wrote that “You have a special place in my heart…” (Philippians 1:7 God’s Word ©)  But every time I go down this emotional road, I always come back to the truth that my heart isn’t totally empty because there is also a special place where like Hannah in I Samuel 2:1 happily prayed aloud, I can… and do regularly declare, “My heart finds joy in the Lord.  My head is lifted to the Lord…” (God’s Word ©)

So, Yes… It may not be the easiest week for me, but through it all, I can’t help but continue to return to the ONE who has brought me through the worst of times and will continue to be at my side throughout the years and changes ahead!

How about you?  In Whom have you placed your trust?  

Have a good week, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting God and His Word to uplift and carry me through to His victory in His peace this week!”

Drive Sense

How did everyone’s 4^th of July go yesterday?  I had a great time with family that started in the late afternoon and ended early this morning!  I mean wow… I hadn’t been up that late since Piper was taken by ambulance to the hospital a few years back and went a day or more without any sleep.  But this time was a little different… this time was fun and relaxed!

I was standing on the bank of a small neighborhood pond around 7:30 pm, with a fishing poll in my hand thinking that this was the first time that I went fishing since around 2000.  I also came to the realization that it was the first time that I have relaxed for an entire day since… well, probably 2005 when Piper and I went trailering for a week up in the high Sierras on our 30^th wedding anniversary.  This definitely is a NEW life that I am living.  One that I have to deliberately set my mind to slow down and smell the roses in!

After enjoying fireworks, while dinner preparations were being concluded late last night, my youngest daughter was commenting about Piper’s and my decision to follow what we believed was the Lord’s clear directions to us to attend Rhema Bible College here in Broken Arrow beginning in 2006.  She told of how her husband and her were recently discussing that if we hadn’t come, that they would have never connected and little Sarah Piper might not have come into this world.  Looking back now, I can see how there were many different parts to the greater puzzle that we had no idea of when we followed that call.

When I switched over my Esurance auto policy from North Carolina to Oklahoma a few days ago, I signed up for their driving app called “Drive Sense” that tracks your daily driving trips and measures your driving abilities, gives safe driving suggestions and can lead to monthly rate discounts.  It also gives you the ability to go back and look at your driving history.  The app is a lot like looking back into one’s Christian history to see just how they have been “driving” on the road of life.

I got to thinking about this some more when I recently read from John 16:33 where Jesus tells us, “I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." (The Message) 

His frankness in blatantly declaring that in our daily lives we could be assured of experiencing difficulties, or “tribulations” as the King James puts it, triggered this line of thought in me.  He makes it pretty obvious for us to see the dilemma and at the same time, understand the solution… before the difficulties… that we know will eventually show up... come upon us.

To me this is a call to prepare oneself!  It’s like having an emergency plan for your home or business that you automatically follow when a situation happens.  I can remember the regular emergency evacuation drills that we had in school as well as at Hewlett Packard when I worked there.  While in NC and definitely out here, I put together an emergency pack and came up with a safety plan for Piper and I and the dog, whenever a hurricane or tornado warning was sounded.

So, wouldn’t it make sense to do the same for the emergency or difficult situations that arise in our daily lives that threaten our health, our finances, our relationships or any other area of our lives?  Just like looking at the car insurance app to see how I did in the past, I’ve found myself looking at Piper’s and my past to see how we did throughout the years.  Have you ever done that?  Similar to the conversation with JoAnna last night, when I look back over time, I can see just how we prepared for our future… and maybe more importantly, just how God had a plan for us to follow so that our future would turn out according to His directions and purposes.

I began to make a list a few days ago of the many things He did for us, personal characteristics He developed in us and events that He had us to experience in order to prepare us for our future… and in particular our stand of faith during Piper’s health battle that really came to the forefront in 2007.  It is uncanny to me to see how He masterfully orchestrated and directed all the various parts of the play of our lives in order to help us to “be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace” when it seemed that all hell was breaking out around us.

So yeah… He’s got a plan and a purpose for each of us… and He has given us the hints as well as the tools within His Word, to prepare and then pursue that plan and purpose before, during and after the emergency situations that arise in each of our daily lives.

So… go ahead and download your “Spiritual Sense” app and begin to review your past and then move on into your present and future with the suggestions, guidance and strength that He has just for you!

Have a great 4^th of July weekend, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting to seek out and then follow the guidance that God has for me and my life… each and every day!”

Be Alert!

With today’s blog post I am aiming to return to the Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule I had switched to a couple of years ago.  With all the craziness of the move, my posts have been coming out here, there and everywhere with no pattern at all.  So, hopefully… today will get us back on some semblance of a schedule!

Things here in Oklahoma are beginning to take a form of normalness for me… not like it is similar to anything before, but normal to this time and chapter of my life.  As I drive around Broken Arrow and the southern parts of Tulsa, listen to local Christian radio, observe local ads on TV, visit various stores and government offices while shopping or attending to state residency regulations and attending church, I am reminded again, that this area is totally different then other areas of the country that I have lived in, visited or researched.

People are blatantly open about their Christian faith!  Windows in store fronts, business ads, bumper stickers and public conversations openly display the Christian faith and Biblical principles.  And while the physical landscape of the state is totally different and maybe not as beautiful in the ways that I’m used to, the spiritual atmosphere and friendliness of the people more than makes up for it.

Before we moved back here, I made up my mind to see Oklahoma with a new set of eyes.  To view it through the uniqueness of its location in the country, to become educated with and a part of its special history and to live with the fact that this is now HOME... my home!  When we temporarily moved here in 2006, I was strictly focused on attending Bible School with the plan of returning home to California as soon as we could to get back to the call that I received in the mid-1970’s and whatever ministry the Lord had waiting for me.

The first six months was like heaven and then things began to surface concerning Piper’s health needs.  From that point on my life consisted of school, a full-time job and going to doctor’s offices on my days off.  Needless to say, I wasn’t really enjoying my surroundings!  But now… well, let’s just say that I have a different perspective!

Over the last few months as I prepared for the move and then after being here for going on three weeks now, it seems like the Lord is tiding up loose ends.  He’s been showing me bits and pieces of Biblical facts that are helping me to bring closure to many of the rough events of the last twelve years.

Last night just before I turned off the lights, I read from 1 Peter 5:8-9.  This morning I immediately went there again as I began my daily Bible study.  Last night I was reading from the King James translation but today I reached for a modern twist on Peter’s teaching.  The Message Bible tells us to, “Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith.” 

I like to follow the life pattern of keeping a cool head and staying alert throughout the ups and downs of daily life.  It is something that I had to become very aware of during the eight years I cared for Piper 24/7.  I did not ever want to be caught napping on the job when her life was literally in my hands!  The King James version declares that “the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour…”  Wuest’s Word Studies informs us that “the word 'roaring' in the Greek text speaks of the howl of a beast in fierce hunger.”  In other words… and we had first-hand experience with this… the devil doesn’t mess around when it comes to attacking you when you’re in a vulnerable position.  Let me assure you that his tactics are vicious, underhanded, and worse than you could ever imagine… and his attacks can and most likely will come from places you’d never thought possible.

But our verse also gives us a major key to our success over his potential attacks.  If you’ll notice, the end of verse states that he “Walketh about, seeking whom he MAY devour.”  The choice is up to you and me… but you need to stay alert, not be caught napping and then resist him when he attempts to harm you and yours.

So yes… this time around is different for me in Oklahoma.  I not only have a different outlook and purpose here, but am MUCH MORE aware of my surroundings in the physical as well as in the spiritual realms.  I’m staying cool-headed and alert.  And I am very sensitive to and knowledgeable of the depths of depravity that the enemy of our souls will go to in his attempts to foal up our days… with the eventual goal of destroying our lives.  (See: John 10:10)

How about you?  How alert are you? 

Have a wonderful celebration of our country (here in the USA) tomorrow, be proud to fly the Red, White and Blue, and be proud of who you are in Christ!  Happy, Blessed and Safe 4^th of July…

-       Jim