I May Not Understand It...

I still do not understand why, but Sunday’s continue to be a tough day for me to get through.  They normally start out very strong with a great personal study time in the Word, a power-packed and right-to-the-heart sermon from our Pastor and then… it tends to all fall apart quickly late in the afternoon!

I was watching something on TV to accompany the late lunch I was enjoying when all of a sudden, without warning, everything heartfelt about my wife came back with a vengeance!  It was really something… I had all I could do to jog into the bedroom and collapse at the side of the bed… hugging my pillow!  And of course, my faithful big white and blue merle companion followed me right in, jumped on the bed and immediately commenced to lick my face!

It was quite an emotional experience and very physically draining.  After a period of time, I’m not really sure how long, I finally pulled myself up on the bed feeling exhausted, and fell asleep.  But I have to admit… when I woke up about 45 minutes later, I felt much better!  This grief stuff is quite amazing.  It seems to come upon you all of a sudden, blows through like a hurricane and then it is like the sun (Son?) comes out and all is peaceful and calm!

I laid there for a few moments thinking about what had just happened and then got up and took the dog outside for some fresh air and exercise!  While out there in the barely 40 degree, overcast weather (what a change from a day ago!), I finished cutting up the branches left over from my pruning adventure on Friday, placed the debris in the garbage, put a leash on the pooch and rolled the can out to the road.  The activity out in the cold helped to refresh my outlook and gave me some determination to make it through the rest of the evening without incident.

This morning I woke up a little restless as usual, around 5:30 and began to meditate on some scriptures that came to my thoughts.  One that kept repeating itself is another favorite found in Philippians 4:6-7.  In Piper’s and my NASB Bibles it reads: “Be anxious for NOTHING, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I couldn’t get the idea of being anxious about absolutely nothing out of my mind as I laid there in the dark in my bed.  I kept thinking that NOTHING means just what it says… NOTHING!  That’s kind of a tall order wouldn’t you agree?  But like Piper always told me when we talked about a potential faith project… “If God said it in His Word, then it must be possible!”  And after a lot of years together with a grand multitude of faith stands… I tended to believe her without much question!

Verse seven is the litmus test for verse six.  Various other translations declare that the PEACE that should follow our decision to NOT BE ANXIOUS in life by our yielding every concern over to God, is that which is “deeper than all knowledge” (Bible in Basic English), or is that “that no one can completely understand.  And this peace will control the way you think and feel.” (Contemporary English Bible)  The Weymouth New Testament says this peace is the thing “which transcends all our powers of thought.”  That makes God’s peace to be pretty strong stuff, wouldn’t you say?

The Lord’s been showing me lately that the different individuals that Piper and I came across over the last eight or so years that didn’t handle her situation and or needs very well, were NOT allowing themselves to dwell on the PEACE of God that we’ve been talking about today.  It’s pretty obvious that they read things very differently than we did… through a different influence in their understandings.  We discovered early on that God’s PEACE just causes you to see things from a different, more positive perspective.

Piper always had that PEACE that surpasses understanding about her… even when she couldn’t express her thoughts anymore.  I’ve told of all the occasions when different medical personnel, patients sitting along with us in the waiting rooms of doctor’s offices in Oklahoma, California and out here in North Carolina, as well as strangers that passed us in the store, and how they would go out of their way to comment about the PEACE and sweet spirit that she had about her!  

I don’t fully understand when the emotions of Piper’s absence overwhelm me like they did yesterday, but through it all, I am thankful for HIS PEACE that always accompanies me before, during and especially afterwards.  I can’t explain HIS PEACE… I guess I don’t even have to… I just know that it’s there and that I aim to not do anything that would allow it to depart from me.  How about you?

Have a fantastic fresh new week, and as you do, keep saying with me… “I’m expecting the PEACE of God to lift me up and over the troubles in my life today!”