NOW!

I discovered last night as I was sorta-kinda watching TV, but mainly focused on what I was writing in my new “Piper’s Story” notebook that I had felt the Lord wanting me to start soon after my wife moved on to glory, that I’ve been tending to think about much of the negative stuff that’s happened to us over the last eleven years and then starting to carry those thoughts into my potential future plans and purposes.

I saw something in a commercial that triggered the reality that Piper should have lived another 20+ years.  She was always so healthy, by far the healthiest in her family and usually within ours.  She was a very positive person, nutritionally minded, exercised regularly and as those who knew her would agree, was spiritually, emotionally and mentally full of peace, praise and thanksgiving unto God!  If truth be known, I feel very strongly that we were robbed of some of the best times of our lives together.

And as I am sure that most of my readers know, in no way, shape or form do I blame God for he is the giver and not the taker of life.  The blame rest squarely in the hands of the master thief whom Jesus Himself warned us about when He exclaimed: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10 EMTV)

But along with that knowledge comes the thoughts of “What could I have done differently?  What better decisions in life could I have made?  Did I work hard enough?  Did I always hear the Lord correctly?  Did I? Could I? Should I have…?” 

But suddenly… in the middle of all that condemnation I heard something familiar inside of me practically shout: “Whoa!  Whoa!  Stop that nonsense!  You can’t go back and change the past (even if all that stuff is true… which it’s not)… But you can take the right steps to continue to walk in the future I still have planned for you!”

What came to mind next was the remembrance of that cold winter night back in 1976 when I was laying in my bunk in a cabin at Junior High Youth Camp with my boys who had finally fallen asleep after a VERY active day, and clearly hearing that quiet voice inside of me distinctly calling me into the ministry.  And along with that call that night came a drive inside of me to always pursue His directions and always strive to do my best to excel in whatever ministry responsibility was asked of me.

I realized on the couch last night that the pursuit of that calling drove me to almost always have two jobs and many times a third on the side.  As it worked out, the ministry positions I held over the years were many times full-time in responsibilities but part-time in pay… which means I also had to work a secular job.  One of the perks of my positions working with children and youth was that much of the work entailed planning of events, writing curriculum and many other creative endeavors like the writing of songs, puppet skits and plays… which meant I could do that at home… and since Piper homeschooled the kids, they were all usually around when I was!  So, we did get to spend lots of time together.

But that drive also came with certain repercussions like many years of terrible migraines.  My older kids could tell you about my large collection of empty Excedrin bottles that I stored in a top kitchen cabinet!  It meant on many occasions, literally dragging myself to my secular job on Monday mornings after a busy weekend and late night at church.  It also caused me to get quickly bored with the non-ministry work I needed to do in order to support my family.

Looking back last night I could see that many in both Piper’s and my extended families never understood what was going on inside of me.  They never seemed to grasp the strength and power of that heavenly call that was VERY active in me.  But you know… Piper ALWAYS did and she fully supported and encouraged me... after all, we were a team! 

This may sound a bit gross… but I remember one incident when I quickly drove home at lunch from my job at Hewlett Packard one day with an exceedingly strong migraine and actually emptying my stomach contents on the floorboard just before I drove up the driveway.  Well, Piper met me and my very pale face on the porch, told me to go lie down and proceeded to clean up the truck... without ever mentioning it!

I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make here.  SHE KNEW… and we were in total agreement with just about everything we did in life.  So… did I blow it somewhere?  When I look at it from the point of view of Piper’s and my agreement in almost everything… I would have to honestly say NO!

Besides, Romans 8:1 tells me in no uncertain terms, that there is NOW… when? NOW!  NO condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus!  So, Yeah!  I’m gonna be happy with our past!  Happy and blessed that I had the ultimate privilege of living 48 of my 65 years with the most wonderful woman in the world.  Happy and excited in knowing that she is NOW living totally set free from the devastating effects of Alzheimer’s while walking, singing, dancing and most likely playing the piano on the streets of gold, at home with Papa God!

And me… Well… I am rejoicing that God ain’t done with me yet!  My story still has a chapter or two to be written… and as before… I get to do it all with Him!  And you know… that voice that I heard back in that beat-up old cabin at Junior High Youth Camp all those years ago has only gotten a lot stronger and clearer!

Say this with me: “I am expecting to hear and obey Papa God’s direction for me today!”