What Would You Do?

The last few days have been absolutely gorgeous out here in central North Carolina.  Since the unexpected snow storm on Monday, the skies have been clear with temperatures growing warmer with each passing day.  Yesterday it got up into the mid-sixties with a bit of a westerly breeze that we couldn’t resist and found ourselves out back for an extended period of time in the late afternoon.

I had wheeled Piper out into the middle of the yard on the grass which is steadily reviving from its winter dormancy, while Fiver and I played “toss the ball” with three different types and colors of balls.  I think Fiver was also enjoying the nice day as he was very focused on our ball tossing and not chasing squirrels or searching for the rabbits that hide on the other side of the back fence whenever he comes out!

I was kind of lost in thought about Piper and how she’s been doing while I ran around the yard with the dog.  Last week was pretty tough.  She was weaker than normal, was not too enthusiastic about eating and was like a limp rag doll when I helped her get dressed in the morning and with other activities during the day.  The nurse who checks on her each week also noticed some of the subtle changes.  Piper’s normally low blood pressure was even lower than normal and her pulse wasn’t quite as strong as it usually is.

At times like this it is easy to start thinking about the next logical step in the process of life that she might be going through.  In the hospice world they call it “transition.”  The hospice team has been very sensitive to our needs and have given Piper top notch care but are very clinical as things look like they are progressing in what I would call the WRONG direction!  In the natural I believe it makes sense to discuss the signs and possible timing of the process and prepare oneself for the final conclusion.  So, the nurse and I talked about the situation and I asked some pertinent questions on the details I would need to know as well as the things I would need to do to assist my wife at this time.

But this week… things took a positive step in the OTHER direction.  As Piper has been stronger (on most days) and has been swallowing her food with much more regularity and purpose.  When the nurse came yesterday, all of Piper’s vitals looked strong including her blood pressure which was up in her normal range.  When our daughter and her husband came over and brought everything needed to celebrate my birthday last night Piper was alert the whole time, ate a decent dinner and slept soundly throughout the night, and awoke with bright eyes and swallowed her breakfast without any difficulties!

So, while we were enjoying the beautiful day outback yesterday, I contemplated the activities of the last few weeks and the ups and downs of this ordeal.  At one point I heard the word “tear” pop up from my heart and I immediately began to speak out my thoughts and walked over to Piper and said, “You know, I feel like there is a tearing (ie; a ripping apart) going on in me.  It’s like my natural side and my spiritual side are being torn apart.”

Then as I thought about the idea of a “tearing” going on in me I realized the ever-changing (ie; up and down) daily condition of my wife’s health is a constant battle for me, between what I see with my natural eyes and what I see with my spiritual eyes of faith that are viewing this situation through the lens of God’s Word.  In the midst of times like last week when everything in the physical looks to be going down the tubes in rapid succession, it is extremely difficult to overshadow what is being demonstrated before you with an expectation of the opposite that we see in God’s Word… that is not yet visible in the natural… Do you understand what I’m talking about?

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that “Faith assures us of things we expect and convinces us of the existence of things we cannot see.”  Then verse three goes a little deeper by further explaining that “Faith convinces us that God created the world through his word. This means what can be seen was made by something that could not be seen.” (God’s Word ©) 

So, there have been many days where although I may not have had to physically exert myself in Piper’s care as I have to do on other days, depending on how she is doing on any particular day, I still find myself exhausted in the physical, mental and emotional realms.  That I believe is the effects of the “tearing” that is going on in me!

When I did a quick search and brief study of the word “tear” with my Bible Study program this morning using my favorite God’s Word © translation as my foundation, I learned that this word is used 81 times throughout the Bible.  In most of the verses it is used to describe the forceful and deliberate “tearing” down of the false idols of the people who inhabited the lands that the Israelite’s were fighting against or the “tearing” down of false idols in the lives of the people of God.

So, just maybe among a few other things, the Lord is instructing me to take a deeper look into my own life and perform whatever demolition that is necessary so that any dependence left on the natural side of me is totally yielded to the spiritual side?  Hummm… that will be a fun road to traverse (?!), but at this point I am ready for almost anything! 

What I did begin to understand yesterday and again this morning though, is the reality that although I have been up against a constant battle between what I see with my eyes and what I see through my spirit… that the spiritual side almost always comes out on top! 

There may be… and in fact most times are… some gut-wrenching feelings and thoughts as I look at my pretty wife and fight off the glancing nightmare that says “Gee, she looks terrible this morning,” only to have those thoughts quickly driven off with stronger and stronger revelations of the truth of God’s Word that cause me to pray “…Our Father, who is in Heaven, Hallowed be Your name.  Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth (IN PIPER) as it is in Heaven” and then recall 3 John 2 where the Holy Spirit has John write down God’s will declaring, “I pray that you prosper and be in (sound) health, even as your soul prospers.” 

Then there’s Matthew 8:17, I Peter 2:24, Mark 16:17-20, and all the miraculous healings that Jesus performed during His earthly ministry with the promise that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever,” and many more throughout the New Testament along with all the Old Testament promises of healing!  It is these promises from the truth of God’s Word that always prevails in me throughout the “tearing” process I find myself in on a regular basis.

With a laugh, I turned to Piper out in the yard yesterday afternoon and stated, “It’s all that Word that we’ve been putting into us since we came back home to California in 2009 isn’t it?”  And that thought made me recall back when I was still working at Home Depot and I would leave her a detailed note each day telling her about the food I had prepared for her lunch and a long list of healing scriptures for her to recite throughout the day until I got home!

So… yea, there is definitely a battle going on... and at times it feels as if I am being torn apart between the two realms of the natural and spiritual, but if there was no battle going on… I guess I would be concerned that we weren’t doing enough for our Heavenly Father that would frustrate the enemy of our souls and cause him to make trouble for us!   I'd much rather us be a thorn in his side by being fortified with the Word of truth than the hopelessness that goes along with NOT actively Believing in, Standing on, and living out a life that is Faith-filled, Word-fortified, Expectant in disposition, and Joy-full with each breath and step along the way of life!

So, what would you do in my circumstances?  Which side would win the daily battles in your life?

Have a good weekend, and as you do, keep asking yourself… “Whose side would I expect to win within the daily circumstances of my life?”


PS:  My birthday party was fantastic!  The steak dinner was delicious and the cake... Oh the cake - Yummy, Yummy!  I haven't had sugar or more than 20 carbs a day for over 2 months... so the cake was quite a treat... although I did have a headache all day yesterday!