His Will or mine?

Brrrrr… Fiver and I just came in from his semi-long walk for the day.  I decided to take it earlier than normal as the temperatures outside are dropping like a rock!  When I took him out first thing this morning before 7:00, it was 41 degrees with 14 mph winds from the north… which means that they are cold winds coming down the plains from Canada.

When we went out again at 10:15, it was 34 degrees with 25 mph winds, compete with a winter mix of sleet and snow.  According to my weather app, that equates to a wind chill factor of 20 degrees.  Yikes!  But you know?  It really didn’t feel that bad as long as we kept moving.  Fiver tends to thrive in the cold weather.  He loved the snow in North Carolina and seemed to be enjoying the icy rain this morning!  Of course, he is part Great Pyrenees and has that extra thick coat.  My young neighbor across the stairway from us calls him “Fluffy!”  She has a Huskie/Wolf mix who is about the same size as Fiver called “Zeus!”  So far, he and Fiver seemed to get along well.

I had a pretty good weekend, how about you?  I went to a men’s event at our church on Saturday morning and then the regular church services on Sunday.  It’s feeling more and more like home there.  Afterwards I went to the apartment and picked up the dog and had lunch at JoAnna, Jeremiah and Sarah’s.  Then we came home for a short nap.  Well at least I tried to nap!  But nevertheless, I guess I rested a bit.  My sleeping patterns are still way off, although I am beginning to wake up less at night.

After the nap I pulled out my DSLR (digital single lens reflex camera) that I bought before moving out to North Carolina and dusted it off.  I had been thinking about hobbies while laying on the bed and instantly recalled my love affair with photography which goes back to my childhood.  When my favorite photo subject got sick, I lost my inspiration and creativity that having a camera in my hands, always evoked in me. 

I especially have had a fondness for black and white photography.  I had my own darkroom for many years, first in a shed in my parent’s backyard, then in the second bedroom of our first little apartment and we eventually purchased a bigger shed and erected it in the backyard of our first home.  I enjoyed the color wedding photography and the outdoor portraiture that we did on the side for years, but my heart has always been with tones of black, white and grey!  I now regret donating all my darkroom equipment before we moved to Oklahoma in 2006 and have often though about looking on eBay for some good deals on used equipment.

But that’s where the DSLR comes into play.  I recently bought a comprehensive book on digital black and white photography written by a professional photographer I am familiar with and thought that this just might open up a whole new world for me!  So, I’m excited about delving into and expanding into a new phase of this hobby again!

And speaking about a whole new world… I’ve been learning a whole lot about Jim Berruto these last five months in Oklahoma.  When your world is totally turned upside down because the one you’ve always associated yourself with since you were a teenager is gone… it definitely gets you thinking about what’s left and/or who you are… today!  In Galatians 2:16 Paul says that, “Convinced that no human being can please God by self-improvement, we believed in Jesus as the Messiah so that we might be set right before God by trusting in the Messiah, not by trying to be good.” (The Message)

When I first read that this morning, my initial thought was “Who was I in my past?” and “Who do I want to be in my new world?”  Paul was talking about people depending on their own ability to improve themselves in order to please God and I was wondering if I did the same in my past?  I’m finding in my day by day, one step at a time progress over these last few months, that I don’t want my will for my new future but His.  I’m also discovering that this means that I have to let go of my way and yield my everything over to Him.  And you know what?  On somedays that seems like it’s taking WAY too long!  I want it all to happen RIGHT NOW!  I’m sure that I am the only one that feels that way though… right? 

I realized late yesterday afternoon as I drove home from the Braums restaurant across the street from my apartment with a juicy burger, fries and a diet coke on the seat next to me… and an excited dog in the back, salivating between the seats while looking at the bag of food… that there are some signs of things that are beginning to slide into place in my new life.  I can most definitely see the hand of God continuing to guide the direction of my life in this new season!  So yeah, maybe its not moving as fast as I think I want it to but that’s probably a good thing!  When I really look at it, I can see how He is changing parts in me that need changing, healing parts that have been pretty raw, and slowly preparing me for each step ahead.

I’m realizing that He knows better than me… what’s best for me and when!  I always felt that Piper knew me better than I knew myself and I can be fully assured that God knows me a lot better than she did!  So, if I’m gonna trust anyone… it would make sense that it be Him… in His perfect timing and in His perfect settings!

How about you?  Where is your trust… in your own ability to improve yourself or your situation or in His?

Have a terrific week, and as you do, say with me… “I am expecting to slow down and put my trust completely in Him!”