EXAMPLES

I thought that a change of pace might be a little nice this morning, so, I’m writing today’s blog post from my kitchen table!  I normally write in my study as all my reference books are shelved there and the large front window affords lots of light and a nice view of our cul-de-sac and neighboring golf course. 

The kitchen is actually only a few feet over from the study, separated by the front door and entryway.  But it’s got a different vibe… maybe not as much light from the front but has additional light coming from the four windows looking out on the backyard behind us, in the connected, open design living area.

“And So…” as Piper’s and my least favorite sociology teacher in JC used to annoyingly say every time he’d take a pause in his monotone teaching… we’ll see how it goes!

I had a nice conversation with my two older siblings in California last week on the day that would have been our Dad’s 101^st birthday.  We all shared some special memories of him and of our childhood in general.  A few days later, I was reading the Message Bible’s paraphrase of 2 Corinthians 5:14 and was reminded of his EXAMPLE to me in the way that he loved and cared for my Mom.  In this portion of scripture Paul wrote,

“Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do…”

When I read that aloud, I suddenly realized that Christ’s love was the EXAMPLE that inspired Paul to love and care for the people in the way that he did… and I immediately turned to the dog laying on the floor next to me and declared… “Just like the way that my Dad was the EXAMPLE that I followed in loving Piper for the 48 years that we were together.”

When Piper was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, there was never a question or doubt in my mind that I would be by her side and take care of her all the way… no matter what it entailed… no matter what I needed to lay aside.  Thinking back to those very emotional, difficult and confusing first few years, I also never had a doubt that my parents would back me 100%... and they did stand behind us and continually asked how they could help us out.  I can’t though, say the same thing for everyone else in our circle of family and friends.

It really confused me at the time, but after the revelation from today’s scripture, I began to see some light.  I realized that none of those folks had the same type of EXAMPLE of a father figure in their lives as my siblings and I did in ours. 

I can’t say that my Dad doted over my Mom, but he definitely always gave her the first place of honor and respect in his life.  My Mom was a very outgoing, fun-loving, full of life, 100% Italian, New York born and bred women!  There were times when she would get upset with my Dad & be a bit vigorous in her communications… but I never recall my Dad raising his voice in his reply.  A characteristic my kids have said that I followed.  She could easily enlighten a gathering of family and friends with her humor, smile and all welcoming personality.  My Dad was more on the quiet side, but also tended to quickly gather the respect of anyone in the room with his soft smile, the humor in his eyes, the wisdom with which he spoke and the honesty with which he conducted himself.

One of the earliest memories I have of him was when my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I (I believe) was still of preschool age.  I remember that my grandparents had come over to our house to take care of me while my siblings were in school and my Dad was with my Mom at the hospital.  I didn’t really know what was going on at that time, but I remember sitting quietly on the floor in the hallway, secretly spying on the events unfolding in the kitchen where my grandparents were, when my Dad came in and with tears streaming down his face, told them of my Mom’s diagnosis and the necessary procedure to follow.

Like I said, it wasn’t until many years later that I understood what was happening that day, but my Dad’s tears and heart-felt emotions toward my Mom, made a mark on my life that I have NEVER forgotten!  While they didn’t necessarily have an overly affectionate public relationship with each other… as my Mom would shew him away if he ever tried to kiss her in front of us kids, (Humm… why does that sound so familiar to me?) they would hold hands when they walked together, he would always open doors for her and even pull out her chair at the dining table.  After us three kids were married and out of the house, they enjoyed traveling both domestically and internationally together, along with their monthly trailering holidays with a group of friends.

He and my Mom met and at a USO dance in New York where my Mom lived, and my Dad was stationed toward the end of World War Two.  My Mom tells the story of their first dance saying that she thought that he was so stuck up, hardly smiled and barely looked at her… while my Dad told of how he was very shy and trying his best to concentrate and count his steps so that he wouldn’t mess it up!

After that night, he became a pretty good dancer and he and my Mom loved to dance every time they went to an event where music and dancing was offered!  While quiet and conservative in most situations… on the dance floor he and my Mom, many times, cleared the floor with their Swing dance moves!  And when you saw the look in his eyes as he gazed fondly upon her when they danced… there was NEVER a doubt of His love for her.

One of the few things that sort of bugged me throughout the years growing up was my Dad’s regular reply of “We can’t afford it” when we asked if we could go on a special vacation, get a new bike or even at times, a special treat.  (Not that it was like we didn’t have our needs abundantly met) But in later years when my brother stepped in to help him with the care of their finances, he was amazed at the scope of their investments and savings.  At that time my Dad confided in him by explaining that after my Mom’s breast cancer, that he always strove to make sure that she would have enough finances to care for her in case of his absence.

So, like the EXAMPLE that my Dad lived before us, my spouse always had first place in my life.  Looking back at Piper’s and my life and our new church Pastoring plans, as empty nesters, after Bible School, I can see that I laid that all aside for her care.  But you know… it wasn’t until very recently, a few years after her home-going to heaven, that I actually realized what I did!  At the time I never thought of it!  My concerns were only about her!

So again, when a small group of individuals questioned my motives, I was totally taken by surprise… I just assumed that every husband felt the way I did.  But today I have a better understanding and I am SO THANKFUL for the wonderful EXAMPLE that my Dad lived before me.  He carved a path in my life that I NEVER thought to stray from. 

And NOW I pray that the EXAMPLE I lived before them, with their Mom, had the same effect to our four children… and you know… I believe it has!  When someone questioned my kids after Piper’s diagnosis, concerning my love for their Mom, they told me later that they instantly shook their heads saying, that if there was one thing that they all KNEW FOR SURE it was how much I loved and respected their Mom!

And There Ya Go!  Being a positive EXAMPLE in someone’s life is one of the most important roles we play during our lifetimes!  I pray that my EXAMPLE to my kids and the many children, youth, college age students and adults alike, that we ministered to in the past and present… continue to be at the level of excellence that I have repeatedly heard my Dad complimented on by his class students throughout the years at Herbert Slater Junior High.

What do you think?  How about you?

Have a great weekend.  Our temperatures are heading up in the right direction once again.  The snow is beginning to melt and our weekend and following week might even see me break out my shorts…  So, enjoy your weekend, think about your EXAMPLE and while you’re at it… Keep EXPECTING and sharing God’s best in your life!