I thought that a change of pace might be a little nice this
morning, so, I’m writing today’s blog post from my kitchen table! I normally write in my study as all my
reference books are shelved there and the large front window affords lots of
light and a nice view of our cul-de-sac and neighboring golf course.
The kitchen is actually only a few feet over from the
study, separated by the front door and entryway. But it’s got a different vibe… maybe
not as much light from the front but has additional light coming from the four
windows looking out on the backyard behind us, in the connected, open design
living area.
“And So…” as Piper’s and my
least favorite sociology teacher in JC used to annoyingly say every time he’d
take a pause in his monotone teaching… we’ll see how it goes!
I had a nice conversation with my two older siblings in
California last week on the day that would have been our Dad’s 101st
birthday. We all shared some special
memories of him and of our childhood in general. A few days later, I was reading the Message
Bible’s paraphrase of 2 Corinthians 5:14 and was reminded of his EXAMPLE
to me in the way that he loved and cared for my Mom. In this portion of scripture Paul wrote,
“Christ's love has moved
me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything
we do…”
When I read that aloud, I suddenly realized that Christ’s
love was the EXAMPLE that inspired Paul to love and care for the
people in the way that he did… and I immediately turned to the dog laying on
the floor next to me and declared… “Just like the way that my Dad was the EXAMPLE
that I followed in loving Piper for the 48 years that we were together.”
When Piper was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, there was never
a question or doubt in my mind that I would be by her side and take care of her
all the way… no matter what it entailed… no matter what I needed
to lay aside. Thinking back to those
very emotional, difficult and confusing first few years, I also never had a
doubt that my parents would back me 100%... and they did stand behind us and
continually asked how they could help us out.
I can’t though, say the same thing for everyone else in our circle of
family and friends.
It really confused me at the time, but after the revelation
from today’s scripture, I began to see some light. I realized that none of
those folks had the same type of EXAMPLE of a father figure in their
lives as my siblings and I did in ours.
I can’t say that my Dad doted over my Mom, but he
definitely always gave her the first place of honor and respect in his
life. My Mom was a very outgoing,
fun-loving, full of life, 100% Italian, New York born and bred women! There were times when she would get upset
with my Dad & be a bit vigorous in her communications… but I never recall
my Dad raising his voice in his reply.
A characteristic my kids have said that I followed. She could easily enlighten a gathering of
family and friends with her humor, smile and all welcoming personality. My Dad was more on the quiet side, but also
tended to quickly gather the respect of anyone in the room with his soft smile,
the humor in his eyes, the wisdom with which he spoke and the honesty with which he
conducted himself.
One of the earliest memories I have of him was when my Mom
was diagnosed with breast cancer when I (I believe) was still of
preschool age. I remember that my
grandparents had come over to our house to take care of me while my siblings
were in school and my Dad was with my Mom at the hospital. I didn’t really know what was going on at
that time, but I remember sitting quietly on the floor in the hallway, secretly
spying on the events unfolding in the kitchen where my grandparents
were, when my Dad came in and with tears streaming down his face, told them of
my Mom’s diagnosis and the necessary procedure to follow.
Like I said, it wasn’t until many years later that I understood
what was happening that day, but my Dad’s tears and heart-felt emotions toward my Mom,
made a mark on my life that I have NEVER forgotten! While they didn’t necessarily have an overly affectionate
public relationship with each other… as my Mom would shew him away if he ever
tried to kiss her in front of us kids, (Humm… why does that sound so
familiar to me?) they would hold hands when they walked together, he would
always open doors for her and even pull out her chair at the dining table. After us three kids were married and out of
the house, they enjoyed traveling both domestically and internationally
together, along with their monthly trailering holidays with a group of friends.
He and my Mom met and at a USO dance in New York where my
Mom lived, and my Dad was stationed toward the end of World War Two. My Mom tells the story of their first dance
saying that she thought that he was so stuck up, hardly smiled and barely
looked at her… while my Dad told of how he was very shy and trying his best
to concentrate and count his steps so that he wouldn’t mess it up!
After that night, he became a pretty good dancer and he and
my Mom loved to dance every time they went to an event where music and dancing
was offered! While quiet and
conservative in most situations… on the dance floor he and my Mom, many
times, cleared the floor with their Swing dance moves! And when you saw the look in his eyes as he gazed
fondly upon her when they danced… there was NEVER a doubt of His love
for her.
One of the few things that sort of bugged me throughout the
years growing up was my Dad’s regular reply of “We can’t afford it” when
we asked if we could go on a special vacation, get a new bike or even at times,
a special treat. (Not that it was
like we didn’t have our needs abundantly met) But in later years when my
brother stepped in to help him with the care of their finances, he was amazed at the scope of their investments and savings. At that time my Dad confided in him by explaining that
after my Mom’s breast cancer, that he always strove to make sure that she would
have enough finances to care for her in case of his absence.
So, like the EXAMPLE that my Dad lived before
us, my spouse always had first place in my life. Looking back at Piper’s and my life and our
new church Pastoring plans, as empty nesters, after Bible School, I can see that
I laid that all aside for her care. But
you know… it wasn’t until very recently, a few years after her home-going
to heaven, that I actually realized what I did!
At the time I never thought of it!
My concerns were only about her!
So again, when a small group of individuals questioned my
motives, I was totally taken by surprise… I just assumed that every husband
felt the way I did. But today I have a
better understanding and I am SO THANKFUL for the wonderful EXAMPLE
that my Dad lived before me. He carved a
path in my life that I NEVER thought to stray from.
And NOW I pray that the EXAMPLE
I lived before them, with their Mom, had the same effect to our four children… and
you know… I believe it has! When
someone questioned my kids after Piper’s diagnosis, concerning my love for
their Mom, they told me later that they instantly shook their heads saying,
that if there was one thing that they all KNEW FOR SURE it was
how much I loved and respected their Mom!
And There Ya Go! Being a positive EXAMPLE in
someone’s life is one of the most important roles we play during our lifetimes! I pray that my EXAMPLE to my
kids and the many children, youth, college age students and adults alike, that
we ministered to in the past and present… continue to be at the level of
excellence that I have repeatedly heard my Dad complimented on by his class
students throughout the years at Herbert Slater Junior High.
What do you think? How about you?
Have a great weekend.
Our temperatures are heading up in the right direction once again. The snow is beginning to melt and our weekend
and following week might even see me break out my shorts… So, enjoy your weekend, think about your EXAMPLE and while you’re at it… Keep EXPECTING and sharing
God’s best in your life!
