I have to admit that I have been thinking a lot lately
about my beloved wife who had the joy of going to her heavenly home in
September of 2018. Now, it’s not like I
don’t usually think about her, because I do, but just when it seemed like
everything was moving forward for me… well… then came the holidays!
I was thinking that this year was going to be so much
better than it had been for a long time… and in many respects it was! Thanksgiving was fun. It is the first time that I cooked for the
family since Piper left us, and it was the first whole turkey that I baked
since… well, probably before we went to Bible School in 2006. Thanksgiving was always special for Piper and
I and the kids. We enjoyed entertaining
and usually had Piper’s extended family over on Turkey Day! This may sound weird, but one of the fondest
memories that I have of those times was of all the effort that the whole family
put in to straighten out and clean the house the day before the big
event!
You see, being as we were a deeply committed homeschooling
family, our house was not always a picture-perfect replica of a Better Homes
and Gardens magazine picture spread! It
is kind of a given when your home is multipurposed for family life, school,
ministry and as a business office. We
knew that going into our homeschooling adventure and simply made it work.
So, that said… the day before
Thanksgiving was normally a beehive of activity as everyone picked up after
themselves. The kids collected their
school books, assignment paperwork and all the other school paraphernalia left
around the house and organized and filed it in the homeschool room where they
each had a desk and a file cabinet along with the multiple bookshelves around
the room. And it was usually all
accomplished with laughter and camaraderie.
Then come the next day and our family worked together in
the kitchen to prepare a sumptuous meal!
One of the many things that I enjoyed when company came over was the way
that Piper sort of skipped around the house, playing the part of the perfect
hostess, making people smile and being sure that all needs were met and that
everyone felt special, wanted and loved. Now, I have to admit, I see that same trait
in our older daughter Jamie! It is heartwarming for me to see Piper’s legacy continuing through our children’s lives.
My Christmas focus was thrown off when my doctor scheduled
me for a colonoscopy a week before the special day. I knew that I had nothing to worry about (which
I didn’t as everything came out fine) but it still caused me to deal with
some anxiety. I had never had one before
and had never been put out under anesthesia before either.
I was prepared though and when the day finally arrived, I
found it to be a sweet sorrow when they were wheeling me into the procedure
room. For I flashed back and found
myself reminiscing over all the times that I had stood by Piper’s side and held
her hand, in the countless doctor’s offices, specialist’s exam rooms, and the
multitude of emergency rooms we visited between 2006 and 2018. I tried my best to not focus on the fact that
I was going through my first medical procedure without her sweet little hand
holding mine!
So anyway… While it seemed like
the holiday’s went off pretty well for me and my kids, the memories of Piper still
seemed to pop up everywhere we looked, in almost every conversation we had and
with every Christmas ornament I hung on the tree. Then when I thought it was over for the year,
I scheduled the dog for a teeth cleaning and had to live through the day in an
empty house alone… with just me and my thoughts… about you-know-who!
But don’t despair as there is a silver lining behind all of
this! When I was walking Fiver in the
cold 2-degree morning air at the beginning of this week, I found myself
thinking about and reciting parts of the 23rd Psalm. Since Piper’s homegoing that particular Psalm
has become a real stalwart for me. I
usually speak it out first thing in the morning, in the mid-afternoon and just
before I turn the light out for the night… and multiple times throughout the
day.
I’ve memorized it in a variety of translations and many
times will cut and past the different renderings to best fit whatever need I
have at the moment. On Monday as I gazed
out along the empty golf course (not sure why the golfers didn’t want to be
playing with frost on their noses and the 21 mph winds…) I absent mindedly
kept repeating verse four where David declared,
“Yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou
art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” (KJV)
When Fiver grabbed a scent and pulled me over to a nearby
fence post, I remembered a fence post where we would stop almost every time we
headed over and up to the Plumas National Forest and our favorite state park
near the California/Neveda border.
When driving on Highway 49 through the little town of
Sattley, California (pop 49) in Sierra County, you come to a stop at the
crossroads where you can turn left to take highway 89 northwest to Graeagle
where we were headed, or right to continue on Highway 49 to the booming
metropolis of Sierraville.
I have always been thankful that there wasn’t much traffic
to speak of when we would come to that intersection. For the sight that unfolds
before your eyes after traveling up and down the mountains is absolutely spell
bounding and it takes a few moments to gather yourself in order to take the
turn and drive on! And believe-you-me…
we would never drive on, but make the turn and pull off the 2-lane highway
along the barb wire fence that separates the road from the pristine land.
For Piper and me, it was a sight that simply took our breath
away! Looking out to the east was the
absolutely gorgeous Sierra Valley.
Settled snuggly between the Sierra Nevada mountains, the view is
extraordinary. The combination of the
green grasses, marshes, wetlands, birds, cattle and/or horses and an occasional
old barn is almost indescribable!
Fiver’s jerk on the leash reminded me that we were on a
walk and that he was ready to move on. But as we walked, I suddenly had the thought
that all valleys are not dark and sad places to be. I began to realize that while the valley that
I’ve been walking through has been a hard place for me as I miss Piper
so much, it was a wonderful and beautiful place of transition for her. The word “death” in the Greek
is described as “The separation of the soul and the body by which life on
earth is ended.” (Thayer’s) And I couldn’t help but think and add to that statement “and
for the Christian, it is where their eternal life in heaven begins!”
I remember when she passed at about 5:30 in the morning on
that Sunday and of how I looked into her eyes and clearly noticed
that the gleam of life that always sparkled from them was gone, and I couldn’t
help but to exclaim with tears of joy saying, “Oh Baby, you’ve gone
home!”
The memory of that moment of joy for me, as I thought about
where she’d gone, connected me to that beautiful valley that we experienced so
many times together over the years. In
an instant I had a whole new outlook on the valley that the Lord has been
leading me through over the past three plus years. The Passion Translation renders the beginning
of Psalm 23:4 saying,
“Lord, even when your
path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never
conquer me, for you already have…”
That translation makes me picture the Lord holding my
hand as He continues to lead me through His beautiful valley on the
way to the specific and perfect plans and purposes that He still has for me to pursue
with passion and joy!
So, I have a new outlook on the valley that
I’m almost through, as the Lord is preparing me for beautiful outlooks
ahead. As my wife is blessed in her new
place of life, I am assured that my blessings are not just in the distance
ahead but also here and now in the beautiful valley that is amazingly
gorgeous everywhere I look!
How about you? Have
a great weekend. Look for His beauty in
the valley around you and rejoice and be glad that He is taking good care of
you!